Homeschooling: When Expectation Meets Reality

[caption id="attachment_1892" align="aligncenter" width="640"] Photo courtesy of Carissa Rogers[/caption]

 

We've been homeschooling for seventeen years.  If I've learned anything it is that reality is very different from expectation, and if we are too focused on expectations, we may miss out on the opportunities that God wants us to use to teach our children about Him.

This week we began homeschooling after a long summer of rest.  We usually school year round, but I gave my daughter the summer off because she had a rough year with math.  We both needed a break.  So when I began to plan our week, I carefully crafted an easy week - a transition back into learning.  My expectation was that my daughter would gratefully and pleasantly go about her learning with enthusiasm and patience.

Gulp.

Okay, stop laughing.

Day 1 was met with groans and attitude.

Day 2 was met with frustration and exasperation.

Day 3 was full meltdown, complete with tears.

At first I wanted to be angry.  After all, I had spent time being careful with my plans.  I had not planned anything that was beyond her ability.  I felt she was being selfish, and rebellious.  I was done. with. the. drama. Then God whopped me upside my heart and told me to listen to HER heart - that the words she chose to use indicated a deeper issue.  On Day 4, I sat with her because she had become upset during a writing lesson.  The assignment was to write about a pet peeve.  She said she didn't have any pet peeves and melted into a puddle of hot tears.  I asked her if her pet peeve might be stupid writing assignments.  She laughed and said, "yes."  She then spent the next few minutes dictating the following words to me:

"I can't stand stupid writing assignments.  I feel frustrated.  It makes me mad.  I don't want to do it and I don't like to write.  I can't think of anything and when I do I can't put it down on paper.  I kind of feel forced.  My brain just stops.  I feel stressed."

Performance anxiety

I've been there too.  Before she wrote the assignment I thought she was just being whiny and rebellious.  I threw up my own brick walls and steeled myself to make her complete the assignment.  But then the Holy Spirit said, "Stop," and led me to reach down into my own heart to see the muck and mire there.  Then He helped me explore what might be in her heart to find the root of the matter.  Isn't it such a great temptation to "make," our children jump through the hoops - to force them to overcome?  We think we're helping them, but what we are really doing is helping ourselves.  We don't want the fuss and the mess of meltdown.  We think, "Just do it," but when we do that we are disregarding the gift that God is giving us - an opportunity to know Jesus better.

I was reminded of several things on this day:

I needed to remember to avoid making assumptions about my child. What appears to be "attitude," may really be something deeper.

I needed to take the plank out of my own eye.  I have more experience, but I have not arrived.  I was having just as much "attitude," as my daughter.  I was frustrated. I wanted the assignment to be done.  The walls flew up, but then Jesus held me accountable.

While it is important that my daughter learns how to write, there is a much more important lesson to learn. Just like me, she needs to learn how to cope with her anxiety, and ultimately, how to rest in God's grace when faced with challenging assignments.

It is always best to follow God's plan, rather than my lesson plan.  I thought I was teaching writing on this day, but the lesson turned out to be about how grace and trust overcomes anxiety and fear.

What the enemy meant for discouragement and friction between my daughter and I, was transformed into an opportunity for us to unite in Jesus.

God is so good!

So grateful for His grace,



For more encouragement on living in the moment and participating in God's plan within your homeschooling, I recommend the following resource:





 

Tuesday's Tip for Teaching - Be Practical

Children learn best in relationship. When teaching, I always try to relate ideas to one another. In the early years, we forge a foundational hook on which we hang ideas and deepen concepts down the road. This is practical, no nonsense homeschooling.

Examples of Practical Teaching

Counting favorite toys

Teaching fractions while dividing a pizza

Using measuring cups and spoons in the sink or bathtub (Use metric too!)

Writing letters to grandma, pen pals, friends to develop communication skills

Keeping a blog to develop language skills

Helping a child understand that math is a word problem in real life

Purchasing items from a store

Making change

Read biographies to teach history

Life skills (Laundry, cooking, cleaning, checkbook, budgeting, financial responsibility)

Bible (Right thinking, following the Holy Spirit, discerning error)

How to learn (using the library, reference skills, study skills)

Another aspect of practical education is interest based learning. When a child is interested, learning comes more naturally. One interest will always lead to another. I've learned to pique my child's curiosity and gently guide him or her through the process of learning.

When my oldest child was ten years old, he had no obvious interests, but one day he decided he wanted to learn about archery while we were reading aloud The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien. So he went to the library, learned the Dewey Decimal System, and found the books he wanted. From there he convinced his grandfather to purchase a bow and arrows and he began to practice. That led to more interest and study in the outdoors, biology (both animals/agriculture) and survival skills. He's now almost seventeen and is interested in exploring a career in wildlife/agricultural conservation. He desires to participate in a month long working trip in the west, with the Student Conservation Association in his senior year. He will likely major in some branch of this field when he attends college.

My next oldest child (almost fifteen years old) had a deep desire to learn the guitar when he was little. We encouraged music education at church and at home. When he was twelve he took a few lessons and really took off! He's an awesome guitar player, has led youth worship and is interested in luthiering (building guitars). He's also interested in carpentry, and is a practicing web designer. He has an entrepreneurial spirit and I'm sure that the Lord will pull all of these interests into a nice little package!

I've learned to pay attention, to create interest, and to draw my children into the learning process. Providing opportunity, asking questions, talking a lot about everything, digging deeply into my children's hearts and listening prayerfully to what I find there, has led us through relationship, into a very practical homeschooling journey.

So grateful for grace,

©2008 Y.M.F.

Teaching Tip: Short Lessons and Frequent Breaks

When my children are pre-k to third grade I limit our learning time to twenty minute sessions. I borrowed this idea from Charlotte Mason and it has always brought a breath of fresh air into our homeschooling. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way.

Once upon a time, I had a third grader on the autism spectrum who couldn't focus, and dealt with stress induced tics...similar to that in Tourette's Sydrome. Chronic squinting, finger popping, tugging at a shirt sleeve, nose wrinkling, sniffling, etc... Then there were meltdowns and rages at the drop of a hat along with constant performance anxiety. All of this occurred in third grade, with my autism spectrum son.

Me? Stressed? No...not me!

In came Charlotte Mason's twenty minute lesson idea. After two weeks, the tics had decreased. Within a year, they were gone. Gone. Never to return. We practiced twenty minute learning until late fourth grade and then gradually extended the time, while still taking frequent breaks throughout the day. The result has been a child who learns independently and confidently and who is now homeschooling high school with a 3.8 GPA.

Pre-K to Third Grade - twenty minute lessons per subject with a nice five minute break inbetween.

Fourth to sixth grade - 30 to 40 minutes per subject. Be gentle, wean them into this.

Seventh grade and up - one hour per subject...and longer if interest led.

After each subject is accomplished, we purpose ourselves to really "take five." For some of my students, that means that they step outside and breathe deeply. For others, that means a cup of cocoa. For one of my children, cartwheels and somersaults are necessary for building a positive learning experience.

I find short lessons keeps things fresh and interesting while frequent breaks provide our minds with needed down time. Both things work in conjunction to create successful learning.



Many blessings,





©2008 Y.M.F.

Teaching What Is Important

As a new homeschooler, it took me roughly two years to decide what was important in educating my children and what was nonsense. I decided some things rightly and on other things I learned the hard way with trial and error. I imagine that for every family "What is Important," will be different and may be an evolutionary process. But knowing what is important has helped me to make wiser choices about outside activities, methodology and curriculum.

My family has learned that God wants us to learn:

1. Jesus - The Lord impressed it upon my heart several years ago that the single most important subject to cover on a daily basis was Bible. But it was more than just reading the Word, it was that we should talk about it. How does the Word apply to our lives? What am I believing? What do I not believe, and why? Getting to the heart of my children has been high on my agenda for a long time. So before we do anything, we pray, seek God in the Word together, and talk about what we're learning.

2. Our own identity - Children must understand who they are Biblically. They are sinners, in need of a Savior. But they are also an incredible, dynamic person that God wants to use to His own glory. God wants them to discover how He has made them. How are they built? What sparks their interest? What gifts and talents have they been given? How might God want to use them? How might I encourage them to go in the way God designed them to go? I encourage interest led, mother directed learning. I allow my children to experiment, learning by trial and error what works, what doesn't and what may be a possibility in the future.

3. History - History contains an account of God's hand and man's fallen nature. There are lessons to be learned and applied into life as we know it now. We can learn from both the triumphs and the failures of past generations.

4. How to learn - Yep, if a child knows how to learn, then a child can learn anything at anytime. When a child is young, they are learning all of the time. Their hot little brains are firing off synapsis at an incredible rate. So for young ones, I offer variety in our lessons with a heavy emphasis on doing and experience and an even heavier emphasis on thinking skills. We read books, we watch videos, we discuss, we craft, we write (a little), but most of all we have fun all along the way!

In the 3rd grade I begin to teach dictionary skills. But I keep it light. No need to make nine year old children look up twenty-five words a week! We look up three to five words a week when we're first learning and after that we simply use the dictionary as needed. Dictionary skills are not rocket science.

In the 4th and 5th grade, I teach children to order books from the library online, the basics of the Dewey Decimal System and how to find a shelved book at the library. In the 6th grade, we begin to learn research and reference skills.

By the 8th grade and up we are well on our way to learning study skills such as:

Identifying key words in a written paragraph
How to take notes from a book (highlighting, underlining, keyword outlines)
How to take notes from a news show
How to takes notes from a lecture

5. How to communicate with others, both spoken and written, in a gracious and upright way. We focus on manners and basic skills. How do you write a good sentence or a decent paragraph? What does a professional business look like? How might I write one? What is proper email etiquette? How do I write five paragraphs in 25 minutes for an SAT essay? How do I avoid becoming overwhelmed by a research paper? What tools do I need?

6. How to use math - I want my children to have solid math skills as high as they are capable of going and tailored to meet the needs of their future. Not every student will need Trig, but some do! Most of all I do not want my children to think they are "math dumb." I thought that about myself for years, and by homeschooling, I've learned that I am not math dumb at all. I simply wasn't taught properly as a child. No student needs to think ill of himself if math doesn't come easily. Simply encourage progress and work to God's glory. God will be faithful to open your child's mind to math as He sees fit.

7. Basic science - I believe that all children should have a firm foundation in creation science. How did God make this happen? What are the laws and principles? How does that work? Beyond that I believe children should learn science to the degree needed to support a child's interests and future career path. Like math, I would like my children to go as high as they believe God is leading them to go.

In our family, we learn Jesus first and then our own identity in Him, and all along the way we lay a firm foundation in the basics.

Grateful for His grace,

©2008 Y.M.F.

Learning Environment - Ten Tips That Helped Our Homeschool

Every once in a while, I re-evaluate our learning atmosphere. I discovered early on with my oldest child how very important the child's environment is to successful learning. I'm finding that my children are very individual in their environmental needs, so frequent evaluation is helpful to keep things running smoothly.

Here's what I've learned over the years about helpful and healthy learning environments. Authors like Thomas Armstrong and Joyce Herzog have helped me tremendously in fine tuning our homeschool.

1. Children learn best when they are relaxed and safe. A child will not learn effectively if they are stressed, tense or worried. Providing a safe environment for children, as is appropriate to their age, is imperative. For my kindergarten student, that means we do not allow her to watch the national or local news reports. When you are little, some things are too heavy. That may also mean that we don't talk about how terribly tight the finances are...but rather we speak about how we are going to be good stewards of God's money. Positive perspectives provide protection to young minds. (Yes, four "p's" in a row...helps me remember to look at the glass as half full.)

Further, we do not allow independent internet use. If a child needs to use the internet, an adult or older sibling is in the room with them. No exceptions. Ever.

2. We keep a positive atmosphere. We avoid harsh criticism and look for areas we can genuinely praise our children. If I criticize without praise, the heart withers and dies. If I praise without healthy criticism (in love), the heart swells and becomes proud. The key is finding a balance.

But let's face it, we parents mess up from time to time. As a parent, I must honestly look at my mistakes and failings and be willing to agree with the Lord and make direct amends to my children, seeking their forgiveness.

Each day, we purpose ourselves to have at least one fit of laughter. Living and learning should be fun.

3. Consistency is very important. This is two fold.

A. Think before you say...and then do what you say. Let your "yes," be "yes," and your "no," be "no."

B. Children like to know what comes next. A consistent schedule helps them get things done in an ordered manner. It's harder to miss math, when math always comes after English.

4. Sound Input - Use music if it is helpful to a child. Some children enjoy music while they work while others become distracted. Some need perfect silence and yet some don't mind the noise of a toddler nearby. Experiment, and implement those things that work. Do what is best for the child, not what is best for the teacher.

5. Use as much natural lighting as possible. Flourescents tend to cause problems in a lot of children. I can barely stay awake under a flourescent bulb and I also tend to develop headaches, but in a room with natural light, or a nice bright standard bulb, I'm okay.

6. Visual Input- Some children thrive on lots of visual cues. Bright posters, organized word-wall lists and timelines are a helpful tool for them. Other children become easily overwhelmed by too much visual stimuli. Be willing to do what works for each child. Experiment and eliminate anything that is not helpful. At one point in time, my oldest son preferred having a project board propped up around his learning area. This helped tone down distractions for him so that he could work more productively.

7. Control indoor temperatures within reason. Too hot or too cold temperatures can cause anything from sleepiness to a distracted mind.

8. Be mindful of perfumes, cleaning supplies and food smells as your children study. Smells and odors (whether good or bad), can distract some students. We don't necessarily need to avoid these types of smells, but we should warn the student that they might smell burgers and fries and that they should continue to work until you call them.

9. Use a controlled, calm voice when instructing, encouraging or admonishing a child.

When instructing children, a calm and controlled voice is always best. Be concise with words. "Joe, please put down the pencil and look at the word list on the board." However, some children can become overwhelmed with stimuli. If a child cannot seem to pay attention, gently grasp the child's shoulder's, kneel down so that faces are parallel, and then speak the instructions calmly yet firmly. The combination of direct eye contact and physical touch will often help a child ground themselves.

If admonishment is in order, speak to the the child privately away from distractions and chaos. The goal is in reaching the heart. This is where true change occurs.

If ever in doubt as to how to proceed with a child, take a spiritual time out. A few minutes alone with the Lord will often give you direction and peace to keep moving along in a day.

10. Vary learning activities, so that boredom doesn't ensue. Recognize that some misbehavior issues stem from both boredom and/or too much challenge. I've learned that I must tune into my child, never comparing him/her with another child. What is their learning style? Strengths? Weaknesses? What is God's plan for this child? Teach to a child's strengths and then occasionally stretch their weaknesses.


Blessings,



©2008 Y.M.F.

Encouraging Thankful Hearts

I love Autumn! The cooler breezes and the lower humidity call me to long adventurous walks in the woods, culminating in hot chocolate or apple cider and yummy donuts with my children. I enjoy the memory making we create each year by going out into nature to snap our family portrait for Christmas cards, or the icky gooey time we spend scooping out the inside of a pumpkin so that we can carve the name of Jesus into it, shining His name into the darkness. I treasure each season…catching hold of the drops of grace rained down upon me, redeeming every lonely moment of my pre-Christian days. And I am reminded, to be thankful.

But how do I cultivate thankfulness in my children’s hearts during the holiday season?

Come on over to Heart of the Matter Online to read the rest of my article. See you there!

Blessings,

©2008 Y.M.F.

Tip for Teaching: Thank God

Years ago, I discovered that two of my children had learning challenges. Some would call them "disabilities," but I don't think in those terms. I wanted my children to be defined in terms of what they could do, rather than what they could not do.

A friend shared a bit of wisdom...and repeated it often.

"Thank God for this situation and pray for His guidance. Look for the blessing."

I had one child who was on the spectrum, couldn't tolerate noise or chaos, was easily overstimulated by lights, noise, touch and smell. He needed much guidance to complete most assignments because he was easily distracted. There was frustration and tears, as well as an unhealthy dose of fear. "Can I homeschool him?" "Are we doing the right thing?" "Why isn't he like Susie Homeschooler down the street?"

Long story short: God is faithful and He taught me many lessons in those hard times. I discovered that homeschooling was just as much for me as it was for my children.

Lesson One - If God has called me to homeschool, then He shall bring it to pass. (See 1 Thessalonians 5:24) Walking with the Lord in our homeschooling has been a huge faith booster in other areas of our lives.

Lesson Two - Never compare children, not within your family or outside your family. Never. It is a pointless and futile exercise that ushers in fear and unreasonable expectations.

Lesson Three - Always seek God's evaluation of every situation. Put down your own expectations and become a part of God's plan for your child. Thank God for this situation and pray for his guidance. Look for the blessing.

As I sought God for the guidance I obviously needed, He showed me what my journey with this particular child would entail. The Lord brought books to read, websites to visit, friends who had walked before me...and He blessed me with understanding and compassion for my young son. I adopted the Lord's vision for my child and He gave me the ability to sit next to him patiently, directing him from one problem to the next, training him in concentration skills. I relaxed and enjoyed the experience.

Teaching my son, in those early years, wasn't easy...but it was right and good. We both learned alot. He's now almost seventeen years old, a junior in our homeschool/high school program. He learns entirely independently, but he and I truly enjoy each other, sharing our hearts in discussion of literature, movies, politics, the economy and Christian life. He has also been the catalyst in helping me overcome my fear of Algebra. I thank God for my son, for every challenge and every blessing. Indeed, He works all things for good.

So grateful,



©2008 Y.M.F.