Turn It Off! Keep the Internet in Perspective

Dallas shootings, racial intolerance, violence, ISIS, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, human trafficking....hopelessness.

If you listen to the internet, it would seem that our world is collapsing around us.  But is it really?

I believe it just feels that way. Our world is fallen...and it's been that way since Adam and Eve.  Wars have been fought. Battles have been won and lost.  People have died.  Babies have been born. We've had good presidents and bad ones. There have been stock market crashes, recessions and recoveries.

So why does it seem so bad now?

We are more aware than in any time in history because we have access to information twenty four hours a day, from a variety of sources - both credible and not so much. Now, think about the motivation of many internet sites. Is information shared as a public service or is it a commodity of some kind?

Did you know that news sites and social media organizations make money with every click?  They are not out there to help us. Money is the driving force behind these sites. Think about it.  Not all stories must be told at a global level, yet this is what we see everyday.  Nor do we need to hear so much opinion and commentary, yet this is the bulk of what is provided online.  Why?  Because opinion breeds controversy and controversy makes money.

For our emotional health, the mom in me knows what I would say to my children:

The internet seems to be a chaotic six lane highway, and I can't help but wonder if setting boundaries with internet and social media is part of the narrow road that Jesus talks about in Matthew 7.

 "Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it."                                                                             ~Matthew 7:13-14

I have set limits on social media, but has it been enough?  I think that it's about more than following a rule or limiting my social media time to one hour a day.  It is about purposefully investing my time in loving and serving the people that are in my physical life. This is how I love and worship God, which in turn builds my trust and deepens my relationship with Him. When I follow Him with all my heart, mind, and soul, I don't seem to get so excited about all the chaos and angst on Facebook and other online media.

The internet is not bad.  On the contrary, it is a blessing.  I have learned to crochet, repair a dryer, learn algebra, fix my sink, and so much more.  I have been blessed with friendships that would not have been possible otherwise.  The internet and social media are excellent tools, but like any good thing, they must be surrendered to God's authority and filtered through His wise perspective.

I've decided to listen to my inner mom. (Or maybe it's the Holy Spirit?)  I choose to invest in the people I can see and touch first - and with all my heart. Following Jesus is much more important than clicking the follow button.  I will enjoy the internet and social media as a supplemental blessing, rather than as a staple necessity.  I refuse to be manipulated by unhealthy rhetoric.

I believe that shifting my perspective will help me feel much less anxious and will give me much more opportunity to love others.
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Grateful for grace,

Separate, Yet Unified in Christ

If anyone asks, I'm the black sheep, not my friend. She's the white sheep, though, she probably would not agree.  Okay, so never-mind, we're both the black sheep.

My heart has been heavy.  Life has changed.  What I thought would happen, didn't.  There was not going to be a happily ever after for two young people, and then a friendship that I thought was going to be, "forever and always," stopped working.

My friend and I could no longer connect for reasons that are no one's fault. It just seems that we found ourselves in a place where we no longer understood each other.

God has reminded me of Acts 15.  In verses 36-39, the Word talks about Paul and Barnabus having a disagreement. Paul wanted to journey to all the churches that he had proclaimed the Word of God. Barnabus suggested that John Mark join them, but Paul didn't feel that John Mark was ready.   Their disagreement was so great that they separated in order that they might continue the work of Christ. The Word doesn't say who was right or wrong.  Maybe, they were both a little right and a little wrong? Remarkably, Paul later commended both Barnabus and Mark in other epistles. There was neither remorse, nor bitterness.  They were dealt a difficult circumstance, and notably, they both looked to Jesus. They had to separate, yet in Him, they had unity.

Like Paul and Barnabus, my friend and I are on our own missionary journeys (though on a smaller scale) and God seems to be calling us to separate for a time.  I miss her. There is a big empty spot in my life right now.  I miss my friend's sense of humor, the little nuggets of wisdom she shared at just the right moments, and our general mom camaraderie. She was an encouragement and a blessing.  I wish her goodness, and love, and grace and so much laughter.  I'm grateful for what we had, and I have every hope that, in Jesus, we have unity. I will never stop praying for her.  She is much more than a friend to me.  She is my sister because of Jesus, and our story isn't over, because we serve a God whose name is Redeemer.

For you are our Father,
    though Abraham does not know us,
    and Israel does not acknowledge us;
you, O Lord, are our Father,
    our Redeemer from of old is your name.  Isaiah 63:16


There have been tears, but I believe with all my heart that one day, we will laugh again. Sometimes losses are necessary and unavoidable.  I wish we could have our heaven on earth now, but I'm learning to wait with hope.


Always grateful for grace,

Heart Lessons in Dating and Courtship: A Mother's Perspective

Courtship versus Dating and when?

We've always leaned toward courtship, but something about it never settled into our hearts.  There was something wrong with the, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," lifestyle.  God never gave us a peace about it. Our oldest boys never dated during high school, so we weren't overly concerned with having to figure it out quickly.

Then life slammed us.  Our youngest son, at age sixteen, became interested in a nice Christian girl at church.  Her parents felt responsible dating was a healthy thing.  How else would young people get to know what they wanted in a spouse, develop relationship skills, and whatnot?  Seemed reasonable.  After all, I had been reading many articles criticizing the legalism attached to courtship, and maybe courtship needed to be tossed out the window with Bill Gothard, Doug Wilson and others who had been pouring their errant philosophies into the homeschooling community at large.

 As I searched the Word of God, I didn't see a mandate for courtship, or for dating.  Ultimately, we allowed the young couple to date and they fell in love.  I wish that was the beginning of a happily ever after, but it wasn't.  You see, they fell in love before they really knew each other.  It was a hard experience to walk through.  After two years, they ended their relationship. They both learned some hard lessons and that is their story to tell, but I learned quite a bit as a parent.

1.  Long term emotional relationships are for adults who are prepared for marriage.  They are for adults who know their boundaries and are responsible for themselves.  They should not need anyone to drive them on their dates, or remind them to do their schoolwork. They should be mature enough to have healthy communication skills and coping mechanisms.

2.  Mostly importantly, young adults (those in their teens) should focus on growing strong in Christ.  They must have time to become strong in Him, so that they can walk into relationships with emotional and spiritual health.

Another hard lesson was learned when an adult son met a girl whose parents were courtship minded. The mother of the girl said she didn't know what the rules of courtship were because, "they'd never done this before."  After extensively encouraging my son to pursue their daughter, they began restricting their interaction. For example, they were no longer allowed to sit next to each other on group outings and there always had to be a third party present. The parents seemed too involved and even a bit contradictory. There were a lot of mixed messages and it caused quite a bit of hurt between our families, but I count it as grace because it taught us that we are NOT a courtship family. It quickly became apparent to our son (and us as well) that this was not a healthy situation for him.  After much seeking and discussion we settled the matter in our hearts.

1.  A marriage is between two adult people.  It is not between two adult people and all of the in-laws and a chaperon. Marriage is between one man and one woman. Therefore, individuals who are seeking a partner in life should both be grown up enough to handle a relationship on their own with Jesus as the authority.  They must both be strong enough to know what their individual boundaries are and be able to enforce them.  They must have the confidence to seek the Lord and do what He requires.

My son decided courtship was not for him, and more importantly, he chose to be patient.  He waited on the Lord, and the Lord brought a confident, Jesus loving, beautiful woman into his life.  They have been dating with a purpose - marriage.  They are just beginning pre-marital counseling and it is a joy to watch them create a healthy foundation for their lives.  When I see them, I see Jesus.

We are not a courtship family, but we have come to believe that dating is an adult privilege and responsibility.  Friendship is always a good foundation from which to start and when two people are prepared to find a life partner, then responsible, purposeful dating is healthy and good.

If you would like to learn more about healthy dating, I recommend Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships.  John Townsend and Henry Cloud provide sound encouragement for those who are ready to seek a life partner.

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Grateful for grace,

Changing Seasons

Living in Florida, during summertime, has always been a challenge for me.  It is not unusual to walk out the front door and into a steamy sauna.  The hot, wet air wraps itself around me like a soggy blanket. Spending more than five minutes outside brings sticky wet clothes, damp hair and beads of perspiration.  However, there are parts of summer that I really enjoy.  I love wearing shorts, swimming in the sun, wading at the beach and hearing the sound of crickets and frogs in the evening.  But while the warm air affords me those blessings, I don't love mowing the lawn every week, exercising in 78% humidity, nor do I enjoy the steep electric bill, or the oven greeting me when I open the front door.  The hot season lasts from June to October, so every year I anticipate the arrival of autumn as a breath of fresh air.  While my northern neighbors experience autumn weather close to the autumnal equinox - (this year, September 22nd) - we Floridians have to wait until slow moving cold fronts usher in cooler air.

Yesterday, I awoke to 78 degrees with a high reaching only 84 degrees.  I walked out the front the door and into the hope of a new season.  I look forward to cooler temps, pumpkins, apples and pears, shorter days, long walks in cool air, along with jeans and long sleeves with the occasional sweater.

So, the circle of life continues.  God calls us to release both the blessings and the hardships of summer, so that we can receive the newness of autumn.  This fall season will bring change - both hardship and blessing, as each season does.  I wonder what lessons I will learn?  What necessary death and new life will God bring? 

I walk through all of the seasons and within each one God breathes fresh hope and faith into my heart as I submit to Him. He renews my spirit and I want to keep pushing for the finish line.

I wonder if there are seasons in Heaven?  I can't imagine a Heaven without an autumn and winter- even though they are synonymous with dying leaves and approaching hardship.  Autumn and winter are beautiful in their own ways.  So too, are the seasons of our lives.

Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
    and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19

 
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Would you like to read more about living well right where you are? I recommend:




Grateful for grace,

Rain

The rain pounds the roof as I write.  The waterfall so heavy that its trail carves canyons in the garden leaving roots exposed, as it searches for a place to rest.  Out of the window, I see the earth refuse the rain. Having been saturated from daily downpours, the dirt has had enough.  The water hemorrhages into the canyons with nowhere to go.  Garden life scurries up the walls looking for relief - any tiny patch of dry.

All this, and I feel like I see my heart in the sodden earth and in the desperation of garden life.  Living is like that sometimes.  This past week has brought hard circumstances and while I know this patch of existence is being used to refine hearts, I default to refusal. No, I don't want my loved ones to suffer.  No, I don't want to be overwhelmed and in need of God. I don't want this storm. "Rain, rain, go away."  

Sighs...

I know better. Really, I do. I need the whipping winds and torrential downpours.  It is in the storm that I am reminded that I am not enough.  I can't save myself or anyone else. I need hard times which expose my sin and drive me to seek the shelter and safety of Christ - my Rock. He alone, is my Savior. 

I remember now.  The sun will shine again.  The earth will dry.  New life will sprout.  We can rest in the storm.  Grace is with us.  Hope is on the horizon.

"Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." ~Romans 5:2-5

So grateful for grace,

Mother's Day - Praying for the Weary Mom

It is the middle of the night on the eve of Mother's Day. Tossing and turning, I felt the Lord call me to pray and write. My heart is burdened for many of my friends - hardworking, dedicated, loving mothers - who are weary. I know you're there, Mama. I've had painful days too.

Mama, I see you not buying the clothes you need so that your child doesn't have to wear high water jeans to church. (They grow so fast.) I know you go without many pleasures, and yet when you indulge yourself, you always feel guilty.

I've watched you as you've struggled with hard choices as you have raised your children within a materialistic culture. I know the weariness that washes over you when you have had to say, "no," a thousand times - especially when you have had to say it to yourself.

I've seen you experience the inward turmoil of personal choices - "If I worked outside the home then I would have nicer furniture, a newer car, less stress during bill paying time, and a sense of accomplishment." or, "If I stayed at home I would have a better relationship with my family, a cleaner home and more time for the things I really want to do." (The grass is always greener on the other side of fence...until you hop the fence.)

I've seen you struggle in your marriage to prioritize your husband and balance the needs of your children, yet always feel like you're failing. I understand the temptation to quit, run away, and hide.

I've been there, mama. I've adapted to the loneliness of a monotonous, quiet routine and wondered if I really matter at all. Do they even notice that they have towels and underwear when they need them? Do they understand how much I'd rather be doing something...anything else? Yet, here I stay, doing the necessary - pouring myself out because of love.

Love is powerful like that. It's our super power.

I see you, mama. Don't grow weary in doing good. You matter, and everything you do testifies to the love of Jesus. So take those thoughts captive and let your everyday life - whatever that is - worship Him.

 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. ~1 Corinthians 13:13

Need encouragement?  Sally Mae is one of my favorite encouragers.  God used her wise words to strengthen my weary heart two years ago.  Fellowship, empathy, truth and encouragement. So very good.

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I am so grateful for all the moms in my life who are committed to being real. You are one of my greatest blessings. Thank you for sharing your lives with me.  Your openness and integrity inspires me to rejoice in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ is made perfect.

I am praying for you all, dear sisters.

Grateful for grace,

When Our Expectations Blind Us to the Miracle

"Do miracles happen anymore?  Does God really care about us?  Will He answer our prayer?"

This question has come up in several recent conversations. An aging neighbor, a disbelieving brother, and a questioning child.  As I have spoken with each person, there has been a common theme.  

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unreasonable expectation + undeniable impatience + the blame game = spiritual blindness

We want what we want and we want it now.   When we don't get what we expect, our unbelieving hearts want to play the blame game.  "Well, if God doesn't answer my prayer then it must mean He isn't there, He doesn't care, or He is indifferent to my needs. It's all His fault."  We are, essentially, saying, "If God would only do what I want, then everything would be okay. If He doesn't do what I want then I'm going to have a temper tantrum and I will blame Him for not serving me."

After all:

My brother needs to be delivered from.......

My daughter is being bullied by.....

My sister has been diagnosed with.....

My husband is addicted to.......

I was just laid off and need.....

We are homeless and must have.....

My son has a learning disability and needs two thousand dollars for......

We pray, "Lord give me guidance about my career," and then expect Him to materialize before our eyes, or give us a sign within the next twenty-four hours. What if Lord's guidance happens over weeks, months, or years?

We pray, "Lord, deliver my brother from drugs and alcohol," and then we want our loved one to wake up in the morning, a changed person.  What if delivering your loved one from drugs and alcohol means that they must go to jail first?  What if they need to become homeless and destitute before they reach the end of themselves? Are you willing to support God in those plans? Will you trust Him when His plan opposes your own ideas?  What if jail time is part of the miracle?

Our vision is limited on this side of heaven.  We lean on our own understanding.  We forget that Jesus is the CAPTAIN OF SALVATION!

"For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings." ~Hebrews 2:10

I have learned that the best thing I can do for myself is to both work at adopting the perspective of Christ, and willfully submitting to His perfect plan for myself and my loved ones - even when I don't understand.

God's ways are very different than our own.

Remember, Mary, Martha and Lazarus in John 11?

Lazarus had become seriously ill and died while Jesus was away.  Immediately, we see the disciples getting all worked up because they were worried for Jesus' safety.  Go back to Judea?  Didn't the Judeans try to stone them there?  Then the disciples argued that if Lazarus had fallen asleep, he would get better.  They wanted to stay right where they were and tried to convince Jesus that He should listen to them! Oh my gosh, does that sound familiar?  Ever try to convince the Lord that your way is the right way?

The Lord had to spell it out to His followers..."Listen, Lazarus is dead and I'm glad that we were not there, so that when I awaken Him, you will believe."  Jesus was glad because He had a higher motivation than preventing pain or suffering.

So Jesus returns to Judea and upon His arrival, Mary grievously declares,

"Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died."~John 11:21

Yet, that is exactly what had happened. Lazarus died because that was God's will. The purpose?  That all who witnessed his resurrection would believe.  God required Lazarus to suffer and die.  Mary and Martha were required to grieve and go through the process of saying goodbye to their brother. They prepared his body for burial, and laid him in the tomb. God had called them all to suffer, so that they, and everyone watching them, would believe.

Jesus could have healed Lazarus the moment he became ill.  He could have rushed back to Judea and prevented the pain and sorrow of loosing a loved one, but Jesus chose to wait two days before leaving for Judea.  He chose to let Lazarus die.  He knew it would hurt Mary and Martha - and when He experienced their grief first hand, He wept with them.

Mary and Martha had desired the miracle of healing, but what Jesus gave them was the miracle of resurrection, and an opportunity to believe.

So when we pray, we should anticipate great things, but it is best to lay down our expectations at the Cross, and trust in the goodness of Christ.  When we rest in the understanding that He knows better than we do, we are in the perfect position to watch a blessing unfold - and we can be grateful, because thanksgiving always precedes a miracle.

 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4: 6-7

 Are you working on adopting the perspective of Christ and trusting Him when life is hard?  These resources have helped me:

With joy,