Deconstructing - Wait for the Lord

As a young mother, I thought that if I trained my children in the way they should go, they would never walk off the right path. (See Proverbs 22:6) 

I tried my best to do all the right, "mom things." I encouraged them, taught them from the Word, discipled them, held them accountable in love, and lived out the gospel everyday. Yet, two of my four children are not sure about God.  They are wonderful people - compassionate, thoughtful, hardworking, strong, young people, but they have not followed me to Jesus. Yes, they both accepted Jesus as Savior when they were children.  They both listened intently, participated in discussions, went to Bible study, had Christian friends, etc..., and yet...nope - not on fire for Jesus.

You see, the world is a big loud place, and they have always been smart kids.  They saw hypocrisy in the church.  They saw errant treatment of women.  They saw sex abuse scandals, extra-marital affairs, haughty behavior in leadership, exclusive cliques and legalism.  They saw Christians treat homosexuals with contempt, exclusion, and gossip. They watched racism unfold in subtle ways.  Then, they saw folks justifying their behavior, instead of repenting of it and turning to healthier practices and beliefs.

My young adult children are good people - they are responsible and want to make a difference in the world.  While they are in the midst of deconstructing their faith-lives, I do believe that God is yet at work in them.  Yes, the Lord will tear down the improper construction based upon the sins of man (and sinking sand), and will help them build their foundations on solid ground.  Their love and compassion for people is evident.  They are not on the spiritual path that I had hoped for them, but they seem to be forging a path of their own, and I believe that God is with them none-the-less.  

That comforts me. So I will keep doing the mom thing, and prayerfully wait upon the Lord. 

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" Psalm 27:14

Grateful for grace,

A New Life

I received my certification for ophthalmic medical assistant in January. When February rolled around, I found myself without much job security. The doctor I worked for was at the end of his career, and we had several months of uncertainty with a major insurance provider. Patients began to move away from our practice and I became weary of not knowing if I'd have a job for very much longer. I was hungry to learn and do more, and I wanted very much to be in a stronger position financially.

My husband had talked about moving to another state for about a year, but I felt that God had led me back to Dr. A's practice for a reason. I began to see that the Lord had done this so that I could have the needed experience and certification to serve Him no matter where I lived. I also feel, through various circumstances, that the Lord was showing me how to be the servant leader He wanted me to be. He has taught me so many valuable lessons in my job with Dr. A. Mostly,I'm grateful to have served Dr. A one more time...myself a bit older and wiser.

Sometime in February, I learned of a job opportunity in Greenville, South Carolina. It was a medical records position, but God made it clear that this is what He wanted me to do. So, I nervously typed up a resume and filled out an application. Twenty minutes later, I received an email from human resources. They wanted to interview me.

When Dr. A was out of town, I drove up for the interview, all the while incredulous that I was actually doing this. Everything in the past year was so outside my comfort zone, and yet, I also knew that I was exactly where God wanted me to be.

On March 6th, I left my family in Tampa to begin work at large ophthalmology group in Greenville. I was not hired for the medical records position. Instead, they offered me an ophthalmic technician position with a new glaucoma specialist that would be coming aboard in May. They saw my potential. They believed in me. That felt really good.

I set two goals:

1. Learn how to perform tonometry
2. Learn how to refract patients for glasses

I met those goals in April. God is faithful.

I love my job. I have so much to learn. There are new possibilities everyday.

Grateful for grace,

2017 - Wait, What Just Happened?

So much has happened this year.  I find myself stunned at times, yet grateful.

In December of '16, I applied to college to start my education in social work.  Something that I always wanted to do, but was afraid to do. I was excited to begin and was so happy that God had opened the door for me.

In January, my husband, among many other older workers with families, was laid off.  Many of the employees had ten or more years with the company. Four weeks later, the same company began hiring for those positions.  They hired younger workers who needed less health insurance and other benefits.  It stung deeply and turned our world upside down.

Needless to say, my college plans were placed on hold, as both my husband and I began to search for work.  I was offered two positions and I accepted a position with an ophthalmology practice I'd been employed with decades ago.

In January, my son eloped with his bride and moved away from home.  I had to learn to let go and let he and his wife cleave.  I don't think anyone is a natural mother-in-law.  It's just not easy.  Thank the Lord for my precious daughter-in-law.

By February, I discovered that I still really enjoyed ophthalmology, but I struggled with why God had opened the door for an education in social work, only to close it.  It was a hard time of wrestling.  I was deeply disappointed and sad.

By March, Grace was doing an amazing job of independent learning.  I struggled with her being at home without me. Yet, I also saw the blessings of not being there to hover over her education.  She rose to the challenge and began to thrive in ways I hadn't seen before.

March was also the month that I began to emerge from my social work self-pity.  I discovered that I could use all my encouraging skills at work and I still had a knack for ophthalmology assisting.  I decided to pursue my JCAHPO certification.  I couldn't justify six years of an expensive education to make the same amount of money as I'd make as a certified assistant.  So I began to study.

In April, Chuck accepted a job with Publix and began working his way into customer service management.

By May, I was burning out on being a full time employee and keeping my home in order.  I paid Grace a salary to do the chores.  That helped, but I felt torn between being the keeper of my home and being a woman with a career. I continued to study.

In June, Grace received her standardized test results back and learned that she did an amazing job at educating herself.  Ferlita women are made to do hard things. So proud of her!

In July, I ran out of money to pay Grace.  Our combined salaries did not allow us continue in the lifestyle in which we were accustomed. Something had to give.  Unfortunately, that meant I could no longer pay Grace, we reduced our food budget, turned up our thermostat, bought fans to place throughout the house, and began to require our adult children, living at home, to pitch in for expenses.

In August, Andrew and Jaclynn moved to Tennessee where Jac began her nursing education at Tennessee Weslyan University.  Andrew continued his career in the welding/pipefitting industry.  They are on an adventure and have had some trial to handle. I felt broken at this point. My heart moved all the way to Tennessee. Yet, this is exactly what they needed to do.  I learned to say, "It is well with my soul," and mean it.

With my priorities changing, I began to re-evaluate social media, relationships and motivation.  I made some hard decisions and appropriate adjustments.

September brought us Hurricane Irma. The news media was over the top and people panicked. There was no food or water on the shelves in my grocery store.  Yet, I wasn't really worried. It was going to be okay...and it was.

I took the first step in becoming a certified ophthalmic assistant in September.  I took the end of course exam and got a 94%.  Once my application for the COA exam is approved, I will have ninety days to schedule the test.  I continue to study.

So we begin October - cooler weather, fall festivals, a wrap up to the year, Christmas on the way.  So much has changed and little of it was on my radar at the beginning of the year. 

God's grace has carried me.

Grateful,

Let Them Alone: When Conflict Cannot Be Fixed

It's so interesting to see how Jesus handled conflict. He didn't shy away from it. He simply said it like it was – clearly and forthright.

“Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death.  But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever I have that would help you has been given to God,” he is not to honor his father or his mother.’ And by this you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition. You hypocrites, rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you; 'This people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far away from Me. But in vain do they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the precepts of men." (Matthew 15:2-9)

Then the disciples came and said to Him,

"Do You know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this statement?” (Matthew 15:12) 

Jesus answered His disciples:

"Let them alone, they are blind guides of the blind. And if a blind man guides a blind man, both will fall into a pit." (Matthew 15:14)

What, no running back to the Pharisees to make them understand? Wasn’t it pertinent to change their minds? 

Nope. Jesus knew that the Pharisees hearts were made up and He was focused on simply telling the truth. Jesus allowed people the freedom to choose Him or not - even if that meant walking out painful consequences. He understood that it was better to suffer for doing good, rather than suffering in vain. He trusted that His Father would uproot any plant that He did not sow and He knew there would be many.

Christ was prepared to complete His mission - to carry His cross all the way to Golgatha, for all those who would believe Him.

As I read this passage, I thought about the times I’ve gotten sidetracked from my mission by fretting over people who have chosen to misunderstand me by leaning on their own perspective.  Isn’t that what the Pharisees did with Jesus? 

All I can ever do when facing this kind of conflict is to check my own heart motive by evaluating myself for sin and surrendering to Christ. If I must suffer in a conflict, I should always do so, by participating in His plan – by being honest and forthright, by trusting God and observing healthy boundaries. I must understand that not all conflicts can be fixed. Sometimes, we must choose to be okay when the world is messy.

Grateful for grace,

This article on the cultural implications of turning the other cheek and walking the extra mile is very interesting, and pertinent to the example I've written about today. 

Please understand that this is a personal blog, and this little note about conflict  is not intended to be comprehensive in nature. For further understanding about boundaries and conflict, I recommend the following resources: 

Affiliate links below:

Gossip: Separating Close Friends

Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

I was thinking about this verse today. I realized that when I listen to someone who is gossiping, I too, am participating in separating close friends. Sometimes I listen because I don't know what to say, or I just don't want to be rude. Or perhaps I want to support the person because I care for them. But am I really supporting them in a healthy way when they are "repeating a matter?" In the past few days, I've written about checking motives for speaking, but after thinking about it, I think it might also be prudent to check my motivation for why I might listen to gossip. It's not enough to simply declare, "I will not gossip, nor will I listen." What is it in my heart that allows me to participate in this destructive behavior? Note: While I am writing about me in a transparent manner, I do so because I know I’m not the only one. So if you are on this journey with me, I encourage you to avoid answering this question in an oversimplified manner. Don't answer "sin." Be more specific. In your quiet time, name the motives that the Lord makes evident and ask Him to lead you in wisdom. I think for many Christians, gossiping and listening to gossip, is not about malice, but rather it is about the fear of conflict. The gossiper is afraid to confront the person she is talking about and so they go the path of least resistance - speaking with an non-confrontational person instead. On the other side of it, the listener likes supporting her friend, but may be afraid to offend the gossiping friend by holding her accountable. So the cycle continues. It is important to understand that conflict is not a bad thing, but rather, it is an opportunity to become more like Jesus. Asking someone to stop gossiping is not easy. It's uncomfortable and may cause conflict, but when we thoughtfully hold our friends and ourselves accountable, we are loving like Jesus and building unity in Him. Grateful for grace,

P.S. While I'm sure there are folks who gossip with malicious intent, that is beyond the scope of this note. Affiliate Links Below

Bloom Where You Are Planted

Earlier this year, I made the decision to apply to college to begin a program in social work. My youngest daughter is beginning her freshman year in high school, and being that she is an independent student, I knew she wouldn't need me to direct her steps.  In other words, I would have time on my hands.  It was now, or never.  So I chose to go for it.

However, it seems the Lord had other plans.

The week before Christmas we learned that my husband's job was in jeopardy.  The company he worked for began laying off some of it's longer employed workers. My husband watched as employees with with more than ten years of employment were let go.  On January 3rd, it was made official. Chuck was unemployed.

I knew before he received his pink slip that I was going to find a job. I could wrestle with God about why He wouldn't let me have a college education, or I could choose to get on board with His plan.  I won't lie.  I wrestled with the change in direction.  I was angry and frustrated. This had been a dream for a long time, but I knew I had to trust God. I had to take my thoughts captive and root myself in Him.

There was no reason not to go back to work.  My sons were all adults and my daughter was an independent, self-driven student. My desire in obtaining a college education was to help my husband. He has been the sole bread-winner for the past twenty years and it had weighed heavily on him.  I wanted to help him save for our retirement and provide income for a bit of relaxation and fun.  But I also wanted to work from a place of strength by using the gifts and talents God had given me. In addition, I craved the satisfaction of a job well done.  Let's face it.  Motherhood, while personally satisfying, is a thankless and tremendously under-valued job.  I struggled with my faith as I began a job search.  Would God provide a job where I had a purpose and could make a difference?  Could I earn enough income without a degree to make a difference in our family finances?

I applied to countless jobs and I received one inquiry. It was for a busy ophthalmic practice with offices in three locations spread out in thirty miles in every direction.  I felt insecure that I could pick up where I left off twenty years ago.  I had been an ophthalmic medical assistant when I retired to be with my children.  Thirty miles in each direction?  Thankfully, I had an economic car, but could I re-learn all those skills?

I reached out to a friend, an experienced ophthalmic medical assistant.  She encouraged me, and even let me come into the office to practice some of those long lost skills.  Surprisingly, lensometry - the skill that scared me the most, came back quickly.  She lamented that she didn't have a position open for me. I lamented with her.  Returning to my former employer seemed like a comforting option.

My interview with the eye institute went well.  My interviewer talked of skills that were vaguely familiar, but it was twenty years ago. It seemed like I was going to get a second interview, though I  was really nervous and uncertain. I was entirely overwhelmed.  The office manager needed to speak with the doctors and she would get back with me in a week. I didn't want to be a disappointment.  This practice was so different.  They had multi-practitioners in several specialties. There would be much to re-learn and even more to apply.  Could I do all of that so quickly and be up to speed?  I wanted to serve them well, and I wasn't sure I was the right candidate for the position. I also had a serious concern - they didn't want to pay me what I knew I would deserve if I was going to earn certification. I was insecure, but I was not going to undervalue my potential.

Meanwhile, Marietta called.  One of her employees was destined for nursing school and had mentioned that she was overwhelmed with full time work and school.  She asked me if I might consider a job-sharing agreement. I was thrilled. But where was this leading? Twenty hours a week would be great to help my husband, but right now he didn't have a job.  Twenty hours would not support our family, even at a fair wage. After much prayer, I felt that this was God's will.  He had created a path and I just needed to walk it out in trust.

I began worked on January 12th.  By January 16th, I knew that I was right in the middle of God's will. All my skills, came back immediately and I learned new ones.  But most of all, I realized how much I had missed loving and serving our patients.

A month later, my job sharing partner failed her anatomy and physiology test.  She knew she needed more time to study and so she gave her notice.  Marietta wanted to know if I could work full time and because Chuck still hadn't found a job, I said yes.  This must be God's will.  He was continuing to make a way for my family.  I also began to notice that I was using the gifts and talents he had given me for social work - but I was using them in an ophthalmic practice.

On April 12th, I celebrated three months with the Tampa Cataract and Eye Care Center. I am studying for my ophthalmic medical assistant certification and will be eligible to take the examination in July/August. The doctor I work for will be retiring in the next few years and I intend to help him end his career well.

I was in a thrift store yesterday when I looked up to see a planter that read, "Bloom where you are planted."  I smiled. Yes, Lord, thank you.

I am exactly where God wants me.

So grateful for His grace,

Words Matter

Words matter. The words we use at home influence the next generation and literally become their inward playlist.

When I was a child, someone I loved called me "an idiot," on a regular basis. It was devastating. To this day, when I get upset with myself, the first thought that races through my mind is, "You are an idiot." This is a lie from Satan, and it hurts me that it came to me through someone who was supposed to protect me.

I'm grown up now, and I have the Holy Spirit to help me take those thoughts captive, but it's not easy. It's a pervasive playlist stuck on auto-play. I'm deeply grateful for the grace Jesus has given me to capture the lies of my past and to rest in His truth.

Friends, your words matter. Your words either serve Jesus or the enemy of your soul, Satan. Once words are spilled they can never be taken back - they are a gift that keeps on giving. Make a decision today, that your words will bring blessing and not harm.

"Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141:3

"Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; praying at the same time for us as well, that God will open up to us a door for the word, so that we may speak forth the mystery of Christ, for which I have also been imprisoned; that I may make it clear in the way I ought to speak.

Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity. Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person." ~Colossians 4:2-6

Grateful for grace,