Homeschooling: Ordinary is okay!

 

For many years now I have watched countless homeschooling mothers stress over their children's future. For a time, I was definitely right there with them, but as I walked through the process of graduating my oldest two children from our homeschool program, and launching them into the world,  the Lord opened my eyes to the root of the stress.  For me, a lot of the stress came from fear.

Fear of not qualifying for scholarship money - Will he score high enough?

Fear of time running out to become prepared - Will we have enough time?

Fear of not getting into a good college - Will there be enough room?

Fear of the inability to overcome a learning disorder - Will he be passed over?

Blog posts, homeschooling forums, and article after article about the path to success heightened my fear.  The message was always the same:  Every child needs rigor, advanced classes and high SAT or ACT scores.  Yet, what happens if the student is unable to handle the pressure or workload of advanced classes, or if their SAT scores are only marginal - even after taking the test multiple times?  What if The Well Trained Mind produces a well developed ulcer?

Sadly, the world has trained moms well.  We begin to worry that our children face a life of labor, toil and never-ending hardship.  Fear pushes us into overdrive - we enroll our kids in remediation, cancel all their extra-curricular fun, pour on supplemental curriculum and life becomes all about performance.  We think the answer to average is to work harder, and harder....because our children can not...must not...be ordinary.  We believe that they must be exceptional in order to compete with the world.  We see this as the only path to success.  We've poured our hearts and souls into their education with the assumption that the only acceptable fruit is academic excellence.  All because the world has defined success by a single indicator - a college degree.

Last year I picked up a book called, One Tough Mother by Julie Barnhill.  Even though I was well beyond the toddler and elementary years, God used this book to show me just how early the fear begins to do its work in moms and dads.

"When did this inane aversion to anything less than stellar! And phenomenal! And distinctive! (heaven help us if our child doesn't stand out by age three weeks) overtake sensibility and put us on the Wacko Mommy Track of Overachievement and online shopping mall purchases of a Baby Einstein Mozart accompaniment - playing teething ring?"  - Julie Barnhill, One Tough Mother

Phenomenal? Distinctive?  Stellar? Sighs... How about normal, ordinary and decent?  I think homeschooling parents are particularly affected because we are entirely responsible for the breadth and depth of our child's entire educational experience.  We tend to over-analyze every minute detail of parenting.  We put so much heart effort into our children that we think those efforts will guarantee certain outcomes.  But are these expectations reasonable?  

Ponder these truths:

1.  Homeschooling does not produce perfect people. Homeschooled kids are just as apt as anyone else to sin.  They can be enticed and tempted.  They are not immune to making wrong choices. Instead of assuming that our children are safe from the wiles of the world, we should assume that our children are a part of the world.  They are sinners. When we see them accurately, as sinners, (though saved by grace when they believe), we walk in the light of Jesus and can actively live out the gospel.  Our hearts can be filled with hope in Christ, rather than hope in our children.

2. Homeschooled students don't always make high scores on standardized tests.  (They do score higher than their public school counterparts, but not every homeschooled student takes the SAT or ACT.) And here is the truth - it is okay. Standardized testing does not determine our student's future.  God does.  We must be careful to avoid defining our children by their ability to test well (or not).

3.  Not all homeschoolers are advanced.  Some students are average and others have learning disabilities.  Guess what?  That's okay!  Our students don't have to fit the same mold.  God created them and will equip them for life.  We don't have to force our kids to excel to an arbitrary standard.  Instead, we must join the Lord where He is already at work.  Let's focus on Jesus as we educate our children - stretching them from where they are to the next step for their individual progress.

4.  Along those same lines, not all homeschoolers are college bound. Don't assume that college is the best choice. We need to talk to our students about the direction the Lord is leading them.  We absolutely should encourage education, but we cannot assume that college is the only way.  Your children may have different, but reasonable plans for themselves.  As our teens grow towards adulthood, they must learn to rely on us less and follow Jesus more.

5.  Our children are allowed their own mistakes.  Every mistake, trial or hardship is an opportunity to know God more intimately.  Our children need these experiences, and in fact, these life experiences are often the catalyst for sanctification and a deepening relationship with Jesus. God uses everything to His glory for those who love Him.

A child's ordinary journey is often God's exceptional plan in disguise. While I would love my children to have lives that afforded them bountiful income and ease, I also know that God creates ordinary mechanics, cosmetologists, and water treatment plant operators too. He calls people willing to share the love of Jesus in all walks of life.  I am certain that He is well pleased with honest, hard working people in construction crews as well as those in boardrooms and surgical suites. The ordinary life is just as valid and valuable.

I took a lot of encouragement from David McCullough's commencement speech to the class of Wellesley High School in 2012.  In it he says:

"Climb the mountain not to plant your flag, but to embrace the challenge, enjoy the air and behold the view. Climb it so you can see the world, not so the world can see you.  Go to Paris to be in Paris, not to cross it off your list and congratulate yourself for being worldly. Exercise free will and creative, independent thought not for the satisfactions they will bring you, but for the good they will do others, the rest of the 6.8 billion—and those who will follow them. And then you too will discover the great and curious truth of the human experience is that selflessness is the best thing you can do for yourself. The sweetest joys of life, then, come only with the recognition that you’re not special." ~ David McCullough in his commencement speech to the Wellesley High School class of 2012.

Moms, let's home educate our children not with the goal of getting them into college, but rather, let's embrace the challenge of growing children into intellectual, compassionate, loving people who will bless the world with kindness and care.  Let's learn with our children, encouraging each other to be more like Christ everyday.  Let's not give in to fear.  If we focus on Christ, and prayerfully encourage our children to walk in the way that He made them, if we teach our children to be like Jesus - then their future will be secure.

For further reading check out Redefining Success and Celebrating the Ordinary at the New York Times.

Grace and peace,