Let Them Alone: When Conflict Cannot Be Fixed

It's so interesting to see how Jesus handled conflict. He didn't shy away from it. He simply said it like it was – clearly and forthright.

“Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death.  But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever I have that would help you has been given to God,” he is not to honor his father or his mother.’ And by this you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition. You hypocrites, rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you; 'This people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far away from Me. But in vain do they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the precepts of men." (Matthew 15:2-9)

Then the disciples came and said to Him,

"Do You know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this statement?” (Matthew 15:12) 

Jesus answered His disciples:

"Let them alone, they are blind guides of the blind. And if a blind man guides a blind man, both will fall into a pit." (Matthew 15:14)

What, no running back to the Pharisees to make them understand? Wasn’t it pertinent to change their minds? 

Nope. Jesus knew that the Pharisees hearts were made up and He was focused on simply telling the truth. Jesus allowed people the freedom to choose Him or not - even if that meant walking out painful consequences. He understood that it was better to suffer for doing good, rather than suffering in vain. He trusted that His Father would uproot any plant that He did not sow and He knew there would be many.

Christ was prepared to complete His mission - to carry His cross all the way to Golgatha, for all those who would believe Him.

As I read this passage, I thought about the times I’ve gotten sidetracked from my mission by fretting over people who have chosen to misunderstand me by leaning on their own perspective.  Isn’t that what the Pharisees did with Jesus? 

All I can ever do when facing this kind of conflict is to check my own heart motive by evaluating myself for sin and surrendering to Christ. If I must suffer in a conflict, I should always do so, by participating in His plan – by being honest and forthright, by trusting God and observing healthy boundaries. I must understand that not all conflicts can be fixed. Sometimes, we must choose to be okay when the world is messy.

Grateful for grace,

This article on the cultural implications of turning the other cheek and walking the extra mile is very interesting, and pertinent to the example I've written about today. 

Please understand that this is a personal blog, and this little note about conflict  is not intended to be comprehensive in nature. For further understanding about boundaries and conflict, I recommend the following resources: 

Affiliate links below:

Gossip: Separating Close Friends

Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

I was thinking about this verse today. I realized that when I listen to someone who is gossiping, I too, am participating in separating close friends. Sometimes I listen because I don't know what to say, or I just don't want to be rude. Or perhaps I want to support the person because I care for them. But am I really supporting them in a healthy way when they are "repeating a matter?" In the past few days, I've written about checking motives for speaking, but after thinking about it, I think it might also be prudent to check my motivation for why I might listen to gossip. It's not enough to simply declare, "I will not gossip, nor will I listen." What is it in my heart that allows me to participate in this destructive behavior? Note: While I am writing about me in a transparent manner, I do so because I know I’m not the only one. So if you are on this journey with me, I encourage you to avoid answering this question in an oversimplified manner. Don't answer "sin." Be more specific. In your quiet time, name the motives that the Lord makes evident and ask Him to lead you in wisdom. I think for many Christians, gossiping and listening to gossip, is not about malice, but rather it is about the fear of conflict. The gossiper is afraid to confront the person she is talking about and so they go the path of least resistance - speaking with an non-confrontational person instead. On the other side of it, the listener likes supporting her friend, but may be afraid to offend the gossiping friend by holding her accountable. So the cycle continues. It is important to understand that conflict is not a bad thing, but rather, it is an opportunity to become more like Jesus. Asking someone to stop gossiping is not easy. It's uncomfortable and may cause conflict, but when we thoughtfully hold our friends and ourselves accountable, we are loving like Jesus and building unity in Him. Grateful for grace,

P.S. While I'm sure there are folks who gossip with malicious intent, that is beyond the scope of this note. Affiliate Links Below

Words Matter

Words matter. The words we use at home influence the next generation and literally become their inward playlist.

When I was a child, someone I loved called me "an idiot," on a regular basis. It was devastating. To this day, when I get upset with myself, the first thought that races through my mind is, "You are an idiot." This is a lie from Satan, and it hurts me that it came to me through someone who was supposed to protect me.

I'm grown up now, and I have the Holy Spirit to help me take those thoughts captive, but it's not easy. It's a pervasive playlist stuck on auto-play. I'm deeply grateful for the grace Jesus has given me to capture the lies of my past and to rest in His truth.

Friends, your words matter. Your words either serve Jesus or the enemy of your soul, Satan. Once words are spilled they can never be taken back - they are a gift that keeps on giving. Make a decision today, that your words will bring blessing and not harm.

"Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141:3

"Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; praying at the same time for us as well, that God will open up to us a door for the word, so that we may speak forth the mystery of Christ, for which I have also been imprisoned; that I may make it clear in the way I ought to speak.

Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity. Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person." ~Colossians 4:2-6

Grateful for grace,

Turn It Off! Keep the Internet in Perspective

Dallas shootings, racial intolerance, violence, ISIS, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, human trafficking....hopelessness.

If you listen to the internet, it would seem that our world is collapsing around us.  But is it really?

I believe it just feels that way. Our world is fallen...and it's been that way since Adam and Eve.  Wars have been fought. Battles have been won and lost.  People have died.  Babies have been born. We've had good presidents and bad ones. There have been stock market crashes, recessions and recoveries.

So why does it seem so bad now?

We are more aware than in any time in history because we have access to information twenty four hours a day, from a variety of sources - both credible and not so much. Now, think about the motivation of many internet sites. Is information shared as a public service or is it a commodity of some kind?

Did you know that news sites and social media organizations make money with every click?  They are not out there to help us. Money is the driving force behind these sites. Think about it.  Not all stories must be told at a global level, yet this is what we see everyday.  Nor do we need to hear so much opinion and commentary, yet this is the bulk of what is provided online.  Why?  Because opinion breeds controversy and controversy makes money.

For our emotional health, the mom in me knows what I would say to my children:

The internet seems to be a chaotic six lane highway, and I can't help but wonder if setting boundaries with internet and social media is part of the narrow road that Jesus talks about in Matthew 7.

 "Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it."                                                                             ~Matthew 7:13-14

I have set limits on social media, but has it been enough?  I think that it's about more than following a rule or limiting my social media time to one hour a day.  It is about purposefully investing my time in loving and serving the people that are in my physical life. This is how I love and worship God, which in turn builds my trust and deepens my relationship with Him. When I follow Him with all my heart, mind, and soul, I don't seem to get so excited about all the chaos and angst on Facebook and other online media.

The internet is not bad.  On the contrary, it is a blessing.  I have learned to crochet, repair a dryer, learn algebra, fix my sink, and so much more.  I have been blessed with friendships that would not have been possible otherwise.  The internet and social media are excellent tools, but like any good thing, they must be surrendered to God's authority and filtered through His wise perspective.

I've decided to listen to my inner mom. (Or maybe it's the Holy Spirit?)  I choose to invest in the people I can see and touch first - and with all my heart. Following Jesus is much more important than clicking the follow button.  I will enjoy the internet and social media as a supplemental blessing, rather than as a staple necessity.  I refuse to be manipulated by unhealthy rhetoric.

I believe that shifting my perspective will help me feel much less anxious and will give me much more opportunity to love others.
,
Grateful for grace,

Separate, Yet Unified in Christ

If anyone asks, I'm the black sheep, not my friend. She's the white sheep, though, she probably would not agree.  Okay, so never-mind, we're both the black sheep.

My heart has been heavy.  Life has changed.  What I thought would happen, didn't.  There was not going to be a happily ever after for two young people, and then a friendship that I thought was going to be, "forever and always," stopped working.

My friend and I could no longer connect for reasons that are no one's fault. It just seems that we found ourselves in a place where we no longer understood each other.

God has reminded me of Acts 15.  In verses 36-39, the Word talks about Paul and Barnabus having a disagreement. Paul wanted to journey to all the churches that he had proclaimed the Word of God. Barnabus suggested that John Mark join them, but Paul didn't feel that John Mark was ready.   Their disagreement was so great that they separated in order that they might continue the work of Christ. The Word doesn't say who was right or wrong.  Maybe, they were both a little right and a little wrong? Remarkably, Paul later commended both Barnabus and Mark in other epistles. There was neither remorse, nor bitterness.  They were dealt a difficult circumstance, and notably, they both looked to Jesus. They had to separate, yet in Him, they had unity.

Like Paul and Barnabus, my friend and I are on our own missionary journeys (though on a smaller scale) and God seems to be calling us to separate for a time.  I miss her. There is a big empty spot in my life right now.  I miss my friend's sense of humor, the little nuggets of wisdom she shared at just the right moments, and our general mom camaraderie. She was an encouragement and a blessing.  I wish her goodness, and love, and grace and so much laughter.  I'm grateful for what we had, and I have every hope that, in Jesus, we have unity. I will never stop praying for her.  She is much more than a friend to me.  She is my sister because of Jesus, and our story isn't over, because we serve a God whose name is Redeemer.

For you are our Father,
    though Abraham does not know us,
    and Israel does not acknowledge us;
you, O Lord, are our Father,
    our Redeemer from of old is your name.  Isaiah 63:16


There have been tears, but I believe with all my heart that one day, we will laugh again. Sometimes losses are necessary and unavoidable.  I wish we could have our heaven on earth now, but I'm learning to wait with hope.


Always grateful for grace,

Heart Lessons in Dating and Courtship: A Mother's Perspective

Courtship versus Dating and when?

We've always leaned toward courtship, but something about it never settled into our hearts.  There was something wrong with the, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," lifestyle.  God never gave us a peace about it. Our oldest boys never dated during high school, so we weren't overly concerned with having to figure it out quickly.

Then life slammed us.  Our youngest son, at age sixteen, became interested in a nice Christian girl at church.  Her parents felt responsible dating was a healthy thing.  How else would young people get to know what they wanted in a spouse, develop relationship skills, and whatnot?  Seemed reasonable.  After all, I had been reading many articles criticizing the legalism attached to courtship, and maybe courtship needed to be tossed out the window with Bill Gothard, Doug Wilson and others who had been pouring their errant philosophies into the homeschooling community at large.

 As I searched the Word of God, I didn't see a mandate for courtship, or for dating.  Ultimately, we allowed the young couple to date and they fell in love.  I wish that was the beginning of a happily ever after, but it wasn't.  You see, they fell in love before they really knew each other.  It was a hard experience to walk through.  After two years, they ended their relationship. They both learned some hard lessons and that is their story to tell, but I learned quite a bit as a parent.

1.  Long term emotional relationships are for adults who are prepared for marriage.  They are for adults who know their boundaries and are responsible for themselves.  They should not need anyone to drive them on their dates, or remind them to do their schoolwork. They should be mature enough to have healthy communication skills and coping mechanisms.

2.  Mostly importantly, young adults (those in their teens) should focus on growing strong in Christ.  They must have time to become strong in Him, so that they can walk into relationships with emotional and spiritual health.

Another hard lesson was learned when an adult son met a girl whose parents were courtship minded. The mother of the girl said she didn't know what the rules of courtship were because, "they'd never done this before."  After extensively encouraging my son to pursue their daughter, they began restricting their interaction. For example, they were no longer allowed to sit next to each other on group outings and there always had to be a third party present. The parents seemed too involved and even a bit contradictory. There were a lot of mixed messages and it caused quite a bit of hurt between our families, but I count it as grace because it taught us that we are NOT a courtship family. It quickly became apparent to our son (and us as well) that this was not a healthy situation for him.  After much seeking and discussion we settled the matter in our hearts.

1.  A marriage is between two adult people.  It is not between two adult people and all of the in-laws and a chaperon. Marriage is between one man and one woman. Therefore, individuals who are seeking a partner in life should both be grown up enough to handle a relationship on their own with Jesus as the authority.  They must both be strong enough to know what their individual boundaries are and be able to enforce them.  They must have the confidence to seek the Lord and do what He requires.

My son decided courtship was not for him, and more importantly, he chose to be patient.  He waited on the Lord, and the Lord brought a confident, Jesus loving, beautiful woman into his life.  They have been dating with a purpose - marriage.  They are just beginning pre-marital counseling and it is a joy to watch them create a healthy foundation for their lives.  When I see them, I see Jesus.

We are not a courtship family, but we have come to believe that dating is an adult privilege and responsibility.  Friendship is always a good foundation from which to start and when two people are prepared to find a life partner, then responsible, purposeful dating is healthy and good.

If you would like to learn more about healthy dating, I recommend Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships.  John Townsend and Henry Cloud provide sound encouragement for those who are ready to seek a life partner.

This post contains an affiliate link.

Grateful for grace,

Changing Seasons

Living in Florida, during summertime, has always been a challenge for me.  It is not unusual to walk out the front door and into a steamy sauna.  The hot, wet air wraps itself around me like a soggy blanket. Spending more than five minutes outside brings sticky wet clothes, damp hair and beads of perspiration.  However, there are parts of summer that I really enjoy.  I love wearing shorts, swimming in the sun, wading at the beach and hearing the sound of crickets and frogs in the evening.  But while the warm air affords me those blessings, I don't love mowing the lawn every week, exercising in 78% humidity, nor do I enjoy the steep electric bill, or the oven greeting me when I open the front door.  The hot season lasts from June to October, so every year I anticipate the arrival of autumn as a breath of fresh air.  While my northern neighbors experience autumn weather close to the autumnal equinox - (this year, September 22nd) - we Floridians have to wait until slow moving cold fronts usher in cooler air.

Yesterday, I awoke to 78 degrees with a high reaching only 84 degrees.  I walked out the front the door and into the hope of a new season.  I look forward to cooler temps, pumpkins, apples and pears, shorter days, long walks in cool air, along with jeans and long sleeves with the occasional sweater.

So, the circle of life continues.  God calls us to release both the blessings and the hardships of summer, so that we can receive the newness of autumn.  This fall season will bring change - both hardship and blessing, as each season does.  I wonder what lessons I will learn?  What necessary death and new life will God bring? 

I walk through all of the seasons and within each one God breathes fresh hope and faith into my heart as I submit to Him. He renews my spirit and I want to keep pushing for the finish line.

I wonder if there are seasons in Heaven?  I can't imagine a Heaven without an autumn and winter- even though they are synonymous with dying leaves and approaching hardship.  Autumn and winter are beautiful in their own ways.  So too, are the seasons of our lives.

Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
    and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19

 
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Would you like to read more about living well right where you are? I recommend:




Grateful for grace,

Rain

The rain pounds the roof as I write.  The waterfall so heavy that its trail carves canyons in the garden leaving roots exposed, as it searches for a place to rest.  Out of the window, I see the earth refuse the rain. Having been saturated from daily downpours, the dirt has had enough.  The water hemorrhages into the canyons with nowhere to go.  Garden life scurries up the walls looking for relief - any tiny patch of dry.

All this, and I feel like I see my heart in the sodden earth and in the desperation of garden life.  Living is like that sometimes.  This past week has brought hard circumstances and while I know this patch of existence is being used to refine hearts, I default to refusal. No, I don't want my loved ones to suffer.  No, I don't want to be overwhelmed and in need of God. I don't want this storm. "Rain, rain, go away."  

Sighs...

I know better. Really, I do. I need the whipping winds and torrential downpours.  It is in the storm that I am reminded that I am not enough.  I can't save myself or anyone else. I need hard times which expose my sin and drive me to seek the shelter and safety of Christ - my Rock. He alone, is my Savior. 

I remember now.  The sun will shine again.  The earth will dry.  New life will sprout.  We can rest in the storm.  Grace is with us.  Hope is on the horizon.

"Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." ~Romans 5:2-5

So grateful for grace,

Mother's Day - Praying for the Weary Mom

It is the middle of the night on the eve of Mother's Day. Tossing and turning, I felt the Lord call me to pray and write. My heart is burdened for many of my friends - hardworking, dedicated, loving mothers - who are weary. I know you're there, Mama. I've had painful days too.

Mama, I see you not buying the clothes you need so that your child doesn't have to wear high water jeans to church. (They grow so fast.) I know you go without many pleasures, and yet when you indulge yourself, you always feel guilty.

I've watched you as you've struggled with hard choices as you have raised your children within a materialistic culture. I know the weariness that washes over you when you have had to say, "no," a thousand times - especially when you have had to say it to yourself.

I've seen you experience the inward turmoil of personal choices - "If I worked outside the home then I would have nicer furniture, a newer car, less stress during bill paying time, and a sense of accomplishment." or, "If I stayed at home I would have a better relationship with my family, a cleaner home and more time for the things I really want to do." (The grass is always greener on the other side of fence...until you hop the fence.)

I've seen you struggle in your marriage to prioritize your husband and balance the needs of your children, yet always feel like you're failing. I understand the temptation to quit, run away, and hide.

I've been there, mama. I've adapted to the loneliness of a monotonous, quiet routine and wondered if I really matter at all. Do they even notice that they have towels and underwear when they need them? Do they understand how much I'd rather be doing something...anything else? Yet, here I stay, doing the necessary - pouring myself out because of love.

Love is powerful like that. It's our super power.

I see you, mama. Don't grow weary in doing good. You matter, and everything you do testifies to the love of Jesus. So take those thoughts captive and let your everyday life - whatever that is - worship Him.

 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. ~1 Corinthians 13:13

Need encouragement?  Sally Mae is one of my favorite encouragers.  God used her wise words to strengthen my weary heart two years ago.  Fellowship, empathy, truth and encouragement. So very good.

This post contains an affiliate link.

I am so grateful for all the moms in my life who are committed to being real. You are one of my greatest blessings. Thank you for sharing your lives with me.  Your openness and integrity inspires me to rejoice in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ is made perfect.

I am praying for you all, dear sisters.

Grateful for grace,

Graduation Day

My oldest son graduated from our local community college with certification in auto body and collision today.  We are so proud of him!

This young man finished high school in 2010, decided to take a year to work, while taking classes at the local community college toward a degree in environmental science.  After a year or so, he was fairly certain he would never be able to support a family as a park ranger, and he could not envision himself working in a lab.  Most of all, he definitely did not want to spend six years getting a master's degree so he could earn $30,000 a year.  He researched his options, and wrestled with reality until he came to the conclusion that a trade program might serve him better. 

Matt is all about good stewardship, and loves, loves, loves all things old and antique.  He also wanted to be able to serve others in some capacity.  He thought mechanics, but when we toured the college's trade program facilities, another program caught his attention.  Auto Body and Restoration.  Matt loved the idea of restoration, and he liked the idea of being able to work with his hands to serve others.  He took some more time to think about things, and ultimately registered for the program in August of 2013. 

Twelve months of hands on instruction, book work and projects, followed by six months of paid internship - first with a collision company, and then with an awesome restoration auto body shop that primarily works on vintage and antique automobiles.  Matt has learned so much and grown so strong. 

Today, I followed my son home after the graduation ceremony. It struck me how confidently he drove.  The traffic was heavy in one spot, but Matt merged onto the highway without hesitation.  I knew immediately that the Lord was showing me something important. Matt was not a little boy anymore.  My heart panged a moment as I realized that God had loosed Matt from my apron strings.  It certainly didn't happen today. It had already happened - sometime in the last few years. 

The sun was high in the sky as I continued to watch him drive.  Where had my little boy gone?

Matt (12) and Grace (newborn)

As I pulled in the driveway my heart lightened.  Standing in the yard was the man my son had become.


So grateful.

Being Present Today

"Something gets lost when we rush from one moment to the next, when we try to squeeze too much out of the times we're supposed wait.  Something is sacrificed when we race through the valley to get to the mountaintop, when we hurry past those in need on our way to the next appointment."  ~Jeff Goins, The In-Between, Part One: Slow Down

As a middle aged mother to four children - three of whom are all grown up, I've been pondering my yesterdays.  The problems in this season of life are about college and career choices, relationships and other issues related to flying away from the nest.  I've said more than once recently, "I miss the days when the hardest problem we had was helping Matt sleep through the night, or teaching Andrew to read."  Those days were so precious!  Yet, I remember wishing them away as a young mother.

"I can't wait until Matt sleeps through the night."

or

"When Andrew learns to read, I'm going to have so much time to...."

I didn't understand that one day Matt would sleep all night long, and I would no longer have the privilege of stroking his forehead, singing my favorite hymns and soaking up the sweet smell of him.  I couldn't comprehend that little Andrew was going to grow up and we would no longer giggle about reading,  "The rat is on the mat - do not hit him with a bat!" These moments passed into far-away memories - little pieces of my heart.

So now I am learning to treasure the present.  Just as my memories of childhood past are precious, so must I see the riches the Lord is giving me today.  I must choose to be deliberately present...to accept God's will with joy.  I want to enjoy what God is teaching me as my children face their college and young adults trials, simply because I know that we will not go this way again.  So right now, we have college courses, a trade school graduation, friendships, first cars, driving motorcycles, and learning Jesus in the midst of it all.

God has so much goodness for me right now, right here.

Recommended reading: The In-Between: Embracing the Tension Between Now and the Next Big Thing

Grateful for grace,







 *This post contains affiliate links.

Good Timber Must Suffer

This poem struck a chord in my heart this week.  First, it reminded me of how I am an oak tree.  That was quite a few years ago, and it is even more true today.

Secondly, the Lord used it to show me how much I've grown.  I used to ask the Lord, "Why is this happening?  Where are You?  Why aren't You making this stop?  Why do I have to suffer?"  Then, I would wonder if He loved me, or if He was there at all.  But Jesus didn't let me stay there.  No, He pulled me out of the pit of wrong thinking and He rebuilt my heart on a new foundation based on His wisdom and understanding.  Through it all, He did something amazing!  He gave me grace to endure and persevere through any circumstance.

"I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.  I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." ~Philippians 4:11-13

Thank you, Jesus - for betrayals, humiliations, hard jobs, monotony, rude people, low income, harsh criticism, judgmental attitudes, colic, learning disabilities, chronic illness, car repairs, relationship struggles, lost jobs, arguments, troubled hearts, cranky neighbors, anxious moments, feverish children, death and grief, a leaking roof, unsaved relatives,....and any crashing wave that makes my heart need You more.

Suffering places me right where I need to be - rooted in You.

^" Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." ~Romans 8:26-28, The Message

For encouragement on the sovereignty of God, my favorite resources are:

Life Application Study Bible, NASB

Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges

Trusting God Study Guide: Even When Life Hurts

As Silver Refined: Answers to Life's Disappointments by Kay Arthur

So grateful for grace,

My Soul Waits on God Only

When my heart waits in silence, it is not ruminating, fixating, manipulating, or fearfully palpating. It is trusting steadfastly in God only.

Did you also notice that our good works don't save us? Nor does putting on a brave face, or pretending to be perfect. Nope, people pleasing, online gaming, $5 cups of coffee, binge t.v., social media, gambling, comfort food, man crushes, romance novels, soap operas, or anything else under the sun, CAN NOT SAVE YOU or ME. From Jesus is our salvation.

So why do we seek after those things more than we seek after Christ?

Could they be false gods?

There isn't anyone or anything else that can support me, hide me, shelter me, comfort me, or save me. Jesus is it.

Think on that. Jesus Only.

So grateful for grace,

The Day My Son Taught Me That God Had Always Held Me

Years ago, my son was enrolled in a private Christian kindergarten. Sadly, he was being bullied for having to wear an eye patch, wearing glasses and for following the rules. While the ratio of students to teacher was 12 to 1, the teacher and the staff of the school were seemingly unable or unwilling to help him. He came home day after day in tears, and would often cry himself to sleep. Being five years old, and on the autism spectrum, he was unable to defend himself. He was entirely overwhelmed by the hurtful actions of his classmates.

One evening, while giving my son snuggles as a part of his bedtime routine, he began to cry. "Why don't they like me? I want friends. Why can't they be my friends? Why do they hate me? Is God here?" I pulled him in close, spooning his little body as he let his frustrations run down his chubby, soft cheeks and onto his pillow. Oh how I loved my baby boy! How I longed to protect him and give him all things good and beautiful! How I wanted him to rest in the peace that surpasses understanding!

My mind was drawn back to the nighttime tears of my own childhood. I remembered how I'd prayed night after night, "God, are you there? Do you love me?" I ruminated on countless conversations I had with Jesus in the dark hours of the night. I had no idea how it worked. I thought I had to earn His love. If I was good, then I would be loved. I tried reading the Bible, but I didn't understand it. I was only seven. I was only nine. I was only eleven. I was only fifteen. The years stretched long and my heart ached to know His love. Then just like that, I gave up. Because Jesus had not shown up in the way I wanted Him to, I decided to put Him on the back burner of my life. I chose to go on with life in my own power, believing that one day, when I had time, I would figure this Jesus out.

I found friends. I lost friends. I dated too many guys and got in too much trouble. I got married. I had children. Yet, I was dreadfully lost and frightfully alone. When I was twenty nine years old, I knew it was time to stop leaning on my own understanding and learn Jesus. I began reading the Bible and attending church. I learned that I could not earn the love of Jesus, because He gives it freely. I cannot put a price tag on God's love. To do so, cheapens it.

So there I was, spooned around my young son as his tears dried and his body relaxed into sleep, and God whispered to my heart, "Yvonne, you hold your son just as I held you when you were young, just as I hold you both right now."

He was there! What happened to me, happened to Him. He knew my joys and my deepest hurts. He had never left me. Once more, He was with my son and I that night. He was working all things together for good.

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. " ~Romans 8:28, The Message

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." ~Deuteronomy 31:6

So grateful for grace,

Stress Is Like An Indicator Light

It's been a hard week. I won't share all the details, because it's not my story to share. However, I will share bits and pieces of my heart.

Stress. Where does it come from? I used to think it originated in the circumstances in a person's life, but this week the Lord has shown me that this is simply not true. Stress originates in the heart of man. It is the tension between what we desire and what actually happens in life.

In my car there is an indicator bell that starts ringing whenever the oil pressure drops. We have an oil leak, so this stupid bell, "ding, ding, dings," and I pray, pray, pray that the car will get us home. (It always does.) Well, like the indicator bell in my car, stress is our indicator that our hearts need to be turned towards the Lord.

Notice that the indicator bell in my car does not fix the oil leak. It just warns that there is a problem. Likewise, stress NEVER fixes the problems in our lives. It just warns us that there may be a problem with our hearts.

I've been pondering Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane this week. The Bible shows us a picture of Jesus, under stress, "And being in agony He was praying very fervently; and His sweat became like drops of blood, falling down upon the ground." (Luke 22:44)

Yet, Jesus never flees from the stress. He doesn't comfort eat. He doesn't smoke. He doesn't bury Himself in a novel. He doesn't try to manipulate his circumstances or spin ways of getting out from under the discomfort. What does he do?

"My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me." And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will." (Matthew 26:38-39)

Not my will, Lord, but Yours.

Today I am thankful that God uses stress to give me opportunities to turn my heart towards Him. Rather than holding on to what I desire, I pray that I am quick to incline my heart to His, and follow.

With thanksgiving,

P.S.  Stress is a natural part of life in a fallen world. We willl face it. Period. For me, stress is an indicator light because when I begin to feel it, THAT moment is the moment that I must remind myself to agree with God. There is a bumpy road ahead, and by remembering God in that moment, I am better able to handle that rough patch in life. Peace always comes when I agree with the Father and I follow Him. But that doesn't necessarily mean that the rough patch is easier in anyway. The peace I begin to feel is more of an eternal kind.

False Expectations and Christmas

Teenagers and young adults are sometimes shortsighted. All of their dreams for the future seem far away and sometimes unattainable. One of the most profound lessons I have learned over my lifetime is that life happens in seasons, and our expectations flavor our, "here and now."

One December, about thirty years ago, I found myself driving through a lovely neighborhood in South Tampa. There were twinkling Christmas lights and fresh evergreen wreaths inviting visitors at every door. I rolled to a stop somewhere near the intersection of Himes and Watrous Avenue, and as I glanced up, I was mesmerized by the scene playing out before me. Through a cozy window, I saw a family gathered around a young man playing the guitar. They were singing Christmas carols and making merry. They were so beautiful! Feeling sorry for myself, I began to cry. Why couldn't I have that picture perfect family? Why couldn't I have Norman Rockwell in all it's familial splendor?

What I failed to see that day, is that I created my own misery. My inflated expectations of the holidays, brought on by Hallmark Christmas specials and other television media, were making me grumpy and sad. I did not yet know the love of Jesus or the true meaning of Christmas, and covetous, false expectation flavored my perspective until I was born again in 1997.

A couple of years after my salvation, I was given the opportunity to share my new perspective during a church luncheon. This is the handout we shared with the ladies that day. My focus had shifted from me to Jesus, and Christmas was never the same again.

Christmas is not about gifts, decorations, food or family. Christmas is about the hope Jesus brings us. It is being grateful for grace.

With thanksgiving,

Living in a Three Foot World: Saying No to Worry

My mother called this morning and told me about a news clip she saw on television. It was the story of a soldier, who learned during his time in Afghanistan that once you begin climbing a mountain, you live in a three foot world. You can't worry about what is below you because you can't climb down. You can't worry about what is too far above you, because you're not there yet. You can't worry about anything that is outside of your three foot world because it takes away needed energy for what is real, right now.

That is such a tangible picture of the Lord's wisdom in Matthew 6.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" Matthew 6: 25-34

Today, I am grateful for my three foot world. ‪

Homeschooling: Learning the One Anothers Together - Love

Did you do your homework?

We are to love one another sacrificially.  We are to prefer one another over ourselves, just like Jesus did when He chose to be crucified as payment for our sins.

It's not easy to love sacrificially, but it is tremendously effortless to love ourselves.    Once again, we are reminded that we must be powered by a deep and abiding relationship with Jesus.  His love empowers us to love one another.  As we learn to prefer Him - to surrender to His will, He gives us His heart for one another.

Love Him well.  Love Him often.  Let Him love others through you.

I was heartened by this story of sacrificial love.  Love doesn't always feel good.  It is okay that it hurts sometimes, and when it does, we have fellowship with Christ.

Highly Recommended:The Joy of Relationship Homeschooling: When the One Anothers Come Home by Karen Campbell.

Karen Campbell is the mentor mom that I wish had at the beginning of my homeschooling journey. She encourages moms to see that homeschooling is not just about academics. Homeschooling provides daily opportunities to learn the love of Christ so that we can learn to love each other well. Success in life is not just about math and science. Relationships matter.

Grateful for grace,



 

 

 

Homeschooling: Learning the One Anothers Together - Comfort and Edify

In 1 Thessalonians 5:9-11, Paul is teaching us that God did not purpose us to be wrathful with one another, but to focus on salvation through Jesus.  He died for us, and so we need to pull together and grow in Him.  So what should we do?  In this verse, Paul says we are to comfort and edify one another.  But what does that mean?

COMFORT, v.t.- 1. To strengthen; to invigorate; to cheer or enliven. Light excelleth in comforting the spirits of men. Comfort ye your hearts. (Gen. 18). 2.  To strengthen the mind when depressed or enfeebled; to console; to give new vigor to the spirits; to cheer, or relieve from depression, or trouble.His friends came to mourn with him and to comfort him. (Job 2) ~Websters 1828 Dictionary

ED'IFY, v.t. [L. oedifico; oedes, a house, and facio, to make.]

1. To build, in a literal sense. [Not now used.] 2. To instruct and improve the mind in knowledge generally,and particularly in moral and religious knowledge, in faith and holiness.Edify one another. (1 Thess.5.3) To teach or persuade. ~Websters 1828 Dictionary

In a nutshell:  We are to help each other be strong in Jesus, speaking true words with thoughtfulness.  We are to help one another shore up our foundation in Christ.

Practically speaking? 

Instead of correcting our children's behavior alone, we realize that we must address their heart's motivation.  We teach them the love of Jesus, so that they will love Jesus with their obedience.  We comfort our children by loving them just as Jesus loves them.  We comfort them with security, by giving them physical and behavioral boundaries that keep them safe.

Homework - Evaluate your parenting.  Are you stuck in the rut of disciplining your children for the same behaviors over and over with no real change?  Have you sought the Lord for wisdom?  Have you taught your children the love of Jesus?  Have you modeled His love out loud?  If not, start today.  Take time right now to get in the Word of God.  Commit your way to Him.  Study His Word daily. Be comforted with His love, and then begin building a strong foundation with your children.

Highly Recommended:The Joy of Relationship Homeschooling: When the One Anothers Come Home by Karen Campbell.

Karen Campbell is the mentor mom that I wish had at the beginning of my homeschooling journey. She encourages moms to see that homeschooling is not just about academics. Homeschooling provides daily opportunities to learn the love of Christ so that we can learn to love each other well. Success in life is not just about math and science. Relationships matter.

Grateful for grace,



 

 

 

Learning the One Anothers Together - Day Two - Encourage

Highly Recommended:The Joy of Relationship Homeschooling: When the One Anothers Come Home by Karen Campbell.

Karen Campbell is the mentor mom that I wish had at the beginning of my homeschooling journey. She encourages moms to see that homeschooling is not just about academics. Homeschooling provides daily opportunities to learn the love of Christ so that we can learn to love each other well. Success in life is not just about math and science. Relationships matter.

Grateful for grace,