Gossip: Separating Close Friends

Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

I was thinking about this verse today. I realized that when I listen to someone who is gossiping, I too, am participating in separating close friends. Sometimes I listen because I don't know what to say, or I just don't want to be rude. Or perhaps I want to support the person because I care for them. But am I really supporting them in a healthy way when they are "repeating a matter?" In the past few days, I've written about checking motives for speaking, but after thinking about it, I think it might also be prudent to check my motivation for why I might listen to gossip. It's not enough to simply declare, "I will not gossip, nor will I listen." What is it in my heart that allows me to participate in this destructive behavior? Note: While I am writing about me in a transparent manner, I do so because I know I’m not the only one. So if you are on this journey with me, I encourage you to avoid answering this question in an oversimplified manner. Don't answer "sin." Be more specific. In your quiet time, name the motives that the Lord makes evident and ask Him to lead you in wisdom. I think for many Christians, gossiping and listening to gossip, is not about malice, but rather it is about the fear of conflict. The gossiper is afraid to confront the person she is talking about and so they go the path of least resistance - speaking with an non-confrontational person instead. On the other side of it, the listener likes supporting her friend, but may be afraid to offend the gossiping friend by holding her accountable. So the cycle continues. It is important to understand that conflict is not a bad thing, but rather, it is an opportunity to become more like Jesus. Asking someone to stop gossiping is not easy. It's uncomfortable and may cause conflict, but when we thoughtfully hold our friends and ourselves accountable, we are loving like Jesus and building unity in Him. Grateful for grace,

P.S. While I'm sure there are folks who gossip with malicious intent, that is beyond the scope of this note. Affiliate Links Below