War of Words - Chapter 3 - Surrendering Our Hearts

In chapter three, we see that the condition of the heart is important in the War of Words.

• "I realized that I had never taught my boys how to argue and fight.  I had never taught them how to wound each other with words.  I had never lectured them on the right moment to dump a record of wrongs on another person.  I had never sought to impart to them the skills of accusation and condemnation.  Yet my sons fenced with confidence and skill.  They had a natural talent to use words to do exactly what their angry hearts desired." ~War of Words, The Word in the Flesh

We might be tempted to think that our struggles with communication is about maturity or the techniques we use (or not), but that is not whole truth.  The fundamental issue is the fallen nature of the human heart.

"The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?" ~Jeremiah 17:9

• "First, you and I are immediately faced with the fact that we have grave problems in our communication that are much more fundamental than skill, technique, and vocabulary.  The second fact flows from the first: Since our need runs deeper than technique, we need more than a training course or a new set of skills.  We need the rescue that only Jesus, the living Word and our Redeemer, can provide." ~War of Words, The Word in the Flesh

I agree.  Unless we address our sinful nature, we aren't going to progress very far in winning the war of words.  Vocabulary and technique are not enough.  We must have a heart that is surrendered to Christ.  The fruit of that surrender is right motivation.  Our communication then takes on the aroma of Christ.

• God is sovereign. Many people walk in fear because they don't realize that God is in control all the time, over everything. There is nothing in our lives that God hasn't first considered and approved. (See the first few chapters of Job.) Another great resource on the sovereignty of God is:Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28

By continually receiving this truth, anxiety and stress is reduced, which in turn helps us communicate in a more thoughtful, considerate and caring way.  We don't have to manipulate or control conversations.  We are no longer enslaved to our own devices, but rather, are set free to follow Jesus in our communication.

• Victory over our communication comes through the power of Christ.  Our salvation occurs when we believe that Jesus was sacrificed as payment for our sins. Likewise, we must believe that the Holy Spirit enables us to communicate in love.  The Holy Spirit is our Helper.  When God calls, He equips.  Therefore we can hope."Biblical hope is nothing less than a confident expectation of a guaranteed result." ~War of Words, The Word in the Flesh

We can fully expect that God will help us with our communication as we surrender to Him.  So we have a choice.

Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose. ~Proverbs 18:21, The Message

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness," ~ 2 Peter 1:3

God has given us the power! He has sovereignly provided everything we need for anything He calls us to do. We must, thoughtfully and prayerfully, walk in it...surrendered to His grace.

• The War of Words is not between people. The War of Words is fought between hearts. That's an interesting perspective, isn't it?  As I communicate with my family, I have been trying to see my relationship as Jesus sees them.  It helps me, think more clearly and cleans up the motivations of my own heart.

Overall this chapter was about giving up our independence and control over conversations.  Instead, it is better to surrender my thoughts, feelings, and my motivations to Jesus and His Word.

What unhealthy communication patterns have you recognized as you've read this chapter?  Have you tried manipulation or guilt to get your own way?  Have you become hopeless and stopped communicating?  Have you used silence as a weapon?

The getting personal question #4 on page 49 is so good!

"Are you willing to admit your communication weaknesses, recognize recurring themes, confess to God and those you have offended, and commit to new patterns of talk?  (All of this is based on embracing Christ's promise that His strength is made perfect in our weakness.)" ~War of Words, The Word in the Flesh

If you still need the book, you can find it here:War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles (Resources for Changing Lives)

Grateful for grace,

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