Training Children

Water play and mud pies

My friend, D, posted recently about something that has been on my heart alot lately. These are some meandering thoughts I've had. I'd like to string them together with other thoughts in hopes that I can see the eternal view God is revealing to me bit by bit.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." ~Proverbs 22:6

Some people think that if you train a child in the way he should go, that he will be an obedient child, one who will not stray. He will be a child who does what you train him to do. While this is generally true, it is not a promise. (By the way, Proverbs are general truths, not promises. Some people don't realize that.)

On the subject of training children, I want to look at two issues. (There is a third issue, that of a sinful or negligent parent, but today I want to think only about the following two issues.)

1. Every child has a brain and that brain may or may not function exactly as we, the parents, would want it to function. (Can we talk about autism, sensory integration disorder, chemical imbalances, or more simple challenges such as learning disabilities, etc...? I think these are as a result of Adam and Eve's fall into sin. The world is decaying and so is humanity as a result of the fall of man.)

2. Every child has a sin nature.

So, we as parents, can train exactly as we are encouraged to in Proverbs, yet it may or may not yield an obedient child. Generally speaking this may be the case, but if you see a family who is struggling with a child, then don't judge them. Pray for them instead! Some families DO need Biblical encouragement...but be gentle and patient. Only speak if God leads you to speak. Don't be like Job's friends, who offered ill-timed and ill-fitting advice.

I have four children and each of them is unique. However, three of the four are unusually strong willed children. Two of them have had learning challenges which will go unnamed because said children read my blog. I've had seasons where I've been in tears on many a night, falling asleep over my Bible because I've desperately wanted a challenge removed from a child's mind OR for a child to overcome in victory. But God has told me, "No, this challenge is part of My plan." So I can only trust Him. I'm blind to how God can use these challenges, but I know He can see and so I trust.

But trusting God does NOT make parenting these children any easier! I know that God has given me these children and I am best able to raise them to His glory. It is hard work...probably the hardest job I have ever had in life. Tears are spilled and grace is poured out. I look back at seasons where the pages on my Bible have been wrinkled with the tears that have fallen on them and I see God's grace. I've never "felt" God's grace during these times but I can always see it looking back. I have to remember that loving God isn't about feelings. It's about FACTS and FAITH.

Perhaps my life is messy. I struggle, fight, and surrender over and over. It is part of my relationship with Jesus. I wish I could say I rest in His grace everyday and that the journey of parenting is an easy grace-filled one. It is not. But it's MY relationship with HIM and we're working on it together. There is so much wonderful fruit in the parenting God has enabled me to do! So I would say that parenting my children has been worth every tear.

Grace having tea with Andrew

Gracie is young yet and struggles with a few issues. But she's learning. There is a deepening understanding of righteousness forming in her heart. I trust that God will mature her heart and she will blossom in His mercy. My boys all love Jesus and they want to do His will. They care about how others feel, pick up litter in the street and let ladies go first. They want to help and serve when they can. I have one who wants to defend his country. (That blows my mind...How did that happen?) They look out for one another. Yes, they bicker...and they don't like the challenge of a little sister. But Grace is young and she's improving. One child goes out of his way to play with her and is SO gentle natured with her. I'm proud of him.

Andrew having tea with Grace

But I have another child who can't take the noise and sensory overload of a three year old sister. It's really hard for him. He tries, but it is REALLY difficult for him. Do I want that to change? Yes! But this is the challenge God has put before him. It's part of one child learning to trust God for the grace to be a big brother. So, I am beginning to see how God is using my children's challenges to His glory.

So I keep training. I train, pray and trust God. I'm not perfect...in fact, I'm far from it. But God has always been good at redemption. I'll trust Him. It is my mother's heart of hope that God will use it all and grow these children in grace and truth. He will lead them and they will follow. They will not be perfect and that's okay, because God's grace is much bigger than our imperfections.

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected through weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

Whenever I'm unsure about God's love I remember my heart rock. I stubbed my toe on it in California, right after asking God, "Do you really love me?" LOL