Fear

"But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me, Lord!" he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. "You have so little faith," Jesus said. "Why did you doubt me?" ~ Matthew 14:30-31

Here was Peter, looking at Jesus walking on water, responding to Christ's call to "Yes, come!" So Peter clamored out of the boat and began walking on the surface of the water. Now remember, he is walking towards Jesus who is literally standing atop the waves. But suddenly he becomes aware of the waves and wind. He put his focus on the waves and wind when right in front of him was God, in the flesh.

I don't know about you, but I can totally relate to Peter. But I still think if Jesus was standing right in front of me, that perhaps...just maybe, I could have held my attention rapt upon the Lord. But those waves were big...and that wind was whipping. So I can't be certain because I have fearful tendencies and I'm easily distracted.

Do you have monuments to God in your life? I do. I remember the time that God saved my marriage from divorce, or the time when he provided a mini-van when we had outgrown our small sedan, how He has grown me as a wife and mother, or simply as a person. He has done a multitude of good and mighty things in my life. Yet, my focus has tended to drift from Him to my circumstances. Over the course of years, I have feared for love, provision, marital struggles, my ability to train my children, my health, in-laws, parents, siblings, approval, the list goes on.

How wily and deceitful the devil is!

Despite my monuments, I have lived in fear and as a result I was living a defeated existance steeped in unbelief. Many of my fears are very, very real. These are not "imagined," fears. These are things that have happened and will likely continue to happen. For whatever reason, God has given me a cup which is filled with trial.

I am no longer complaining however. I see that I have allowed my focus to be shifted by my expectations and desires. I expected better, when I should have expected nothing at all. If one does not expect, one is not disappointed and is more likely to be gratified with what is granted. Further, I looked at the trials given me as curses, when in fact, every event is meant for blessing. (You ask, "You can NOT be saying that being abused as a child was a blessing?") I won't go that far. I'm not grateful for the abuse. But I am grateful for what God is bringing out of that abuse. For what the enemy meant for evil, God is redeeming for His glory. I see the growth. I don't like how I had to obtain that growth, but God knew what was best. Had it been left to me, I would have created my own Heaven on Earth and would have had no need for Jesus at all! How sad that would have been! No, I'm grateful for the trials, for certainly they have made me see my need of Jesus as well as showing me how much more I have need to be sanctified.

Rejoicing,