Homeschooling: When Expectation Meets Reality

[caption id="attachment_1892" align="aligncenter" width="640"] Photo courtesy of Carissa Rogers[/caption]

 

We've been homeschooling for seventeen years.  If I've learned anything it is that reality is very different from expectation, and if we are too focused on expectations, we may miss out on the opportunities that God wants us to use to teach our children about Him.

This week we began homeschooling after a long summer of rest.  We usually school year round, but I gave my daughter the summer off because she had a rough year with math.  We both needed a break.  So when I began to plan our week, I carefully crafted an easy week - a transition back into learning.  My expectation was that my daughter would gratefully and pleasantly go about her learning with enthusiasm and patience.

Gulp.

Okay, stop laughing.

Day 1 was met with groans and attitude.

Day 2 was met with frustration and exasperation.

Day 3 was full meltdown, complete with tears.

At first I wanted to be angry.  After all, I had spent time being careful with my plans.  I had not planned anything that was beyond her ability.  I felt she was being selfish, and rebellious.  I was done. with. the. drama. Then God whopped me upside my heart and told me to listen to HER heart - that the words she chose to use indicated a deeper issue.  On Day 4, I sat with her because she had become upset during a writing lesson.  The assignment was to write about a pet peeve.  She said she didn't have any pet peeves and melted into a puddle of hot tears.  I asked her if her pet peeve might be stupid writing assignments.  She laughed and said, "yes."  She then spent the next few minutes dictating the following words to me:

"I can't stand stupid writing assignments.  I feel frustrated.  It makes me mad.  I don't want to do it and I don't like to write.  I can't think of anything and when I do I can't put it down on paper.  I kind of feel forced.  My brain just stops.  I feel stressed."

Performance anxiety

I've been there too.  Before she wrote the assignment I thought she was just being whiny and rebellious.  I threw up my own brick walls and steeled myself to make her complete the assignment.  But then the Holy Spirit said, "Stop," and led me to reach down into my own heart to see the muck and mire there.  Then He helped me explore what might be in her heart to find the root of the matter.  Isn't it such a great temptation to "make," our children jump through the hoops - to force them to overcome?  We think we're helping them, but what we are really doing is helping ourselves.  We don't want the fuss and the mess of meltdown.  We think, "Just do it," but when we do that we are disregarding the gift that God is giving us - an opportunity to know Jesus better.

I was reminded of several things on this day:

I needed to remember to avoid making assumptions about my child. What appears to be "attitude," may really be something deeper.

I needed to take the plank out of my own eye.  I have more experience, but I have not arrived.  I was having just as much "attitude," as my daughter.  I was frustrated. I wanted the assignment to be done.  The walls flew up, but then Jesus held me accountable.

While it is important that my daughter learns how to write, there is a much more important lesson to learn. Just like me, she needs to learn how to cope with her anxiety, and ultimately, how to rest in God's grace when faced with challenging assignments.

It is always best to follow God's plan, rather than my lesson plan.  I thought I was teaching writing on this day, but the lesson turned out to be about how grace and trust overcomes anxiety and fear.

What the enemy meant for discouragement and friction between my daughter and I, was transformed into an opportunity for us to unite in Jesus.

God is so good!

So grateful for His grace,



For more encouragement on living in the moment and participating in God's plan within your homeschooling, I recommend the following resource: