Rules, Grace and Personal Responsibility

I spoke to my teenage son this morning, because I wanted to gauge his understanding about boundaries and grace.  He told me that he remembers being taught both, but he remembers hearing more about  boundaries.  That stung my heart a bit.  Why?  Because I've been faithful.  I have carefully lived a life of grace.  I have modeled it.  I have encouraged.  I have read the Word aloud and we have had endless discussions about living in grace. Grace is a big part of daily life. That's when the Holy Spirit welled up within me.

I heard a question - "What about personal responsibility?"

Many times, human nature makes us blame others for difficulties, hardships or trials.  Years ago, the leadership in our former church taught a legalistic theology, and its influence in our home was destructive. The leadership said they believed in grace, but they did not live grace, they did not model grace, and it was clear they were operating out of their own power - and not the love of Jesus.  They were rule enforcers, judgmental at heart, and many people were walking around discouraged OR self-righteously proud.

We left that church, began to grow in grace, and were set free. Praise the Lord! However, for a long time I wanted to blame this church and it's people for misleading us - for being false teachers. Ultimately, however, God showed me that I had allowed myself to be pulled down that road. I allowed people to become more important than Jesus. I could no longer blame people. I had to repent of that bitterness and accept responsibility for my own believing.  As a result of this experience, I am very careful to live and teach from grace.

Conversely, I have also learned that as a parent and a wife, I am responsible to share the truth of both the law, which shows us our need of Christ, and grace which is found only in Him. I have been faithful to teach both the law and love. If my children latch onto the law, and fail to remember love and grace, that is not my fault.  Or if they latch onto grace and forget the law...the same thing. That is not my fault. That is their journey to walk - their burden to bear until such a time that they too, submit that aspect of their lives to Jesus. It is between them and Christ. I can control no one but myself. I can teach my children, but I cannot make them learn.  I can share the truth, but they must receive it.

That is the way that God designed us - in His image. He does not control us. His desire is that we choose good. He gives us natural consequences and He speaks to us in His Word. As parents, we must be like Him.  We must teach the truth, and allow our children to learn Jesus through the circumstances that God brings in their lives.  We must join God in His work.

Just because something is not working out the way we had imagined, does not mean that we have failed as parents, nor does it mean that we should have done something differently.  Sometimes we are doing exactly what we should be doing, but our children are learning tough lessons.  God is doing a great and mighty work.

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself. - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Be brave, mama.  God is building Himself a temple in your children.  He has to rip out the rot and build a new foundation.  That's painful, but it is good.  Don't grow weary in doing good.

So grateful for grace,