War of Words - Chapter 9 - Confrontation

Chapter nine of War of Words, is titled, "Citizens in Need of Help," shares the pitfalls of confrontation and offers a Biblical model that will lead others to Jesus.

"Yes, we dread confrontation because we don't like to look at our sin, but we also dread confrontation because of the troublesome and un-biblical way we've seen it handled.  There are legitimate reasons for our dread of rebuke." ~War of Words, Citizens in Need of Help

Commons pitfalls:

1.  Confusing our personal feelings of anger or offense with God's perspective and purpose.  Anger can distort our perspective and our personal frustration can overshadow our communication. Biblical priorities often get crowded out by our own sinful nature.

2.  Poor data gathering.  We are impatient people.  We jump to conclusions.  We make assumptions.  We do not take the time to clarify words.  We must be careful to know what is real.

3.  Judging the motives of the heart.  When folks confront each other we not only rebuke one another for an action, but we often assume we know the reason behind the wrongful action.  We may be correct that the action was wrong, but we can be completely off-base when we judge others for the heart motivation behind the wrongful action.

4.  Using sensational language, condemnation, and emotional tones.  These only throw up gigantic roadblocks.  The person being confronted will not hear what is important because the wrongful attitude of the speaker splashes darkness on the whole conversation.

5.  Being adversarial.  In a nutshell, we forget that we are sinners too.  We get on our high horses and forget that we are just the same as the one we are confronting.  What we need to do is get down in the dirt with our friend, as a fellow sinner, saved by grace - through faith, and we need to humbly confront in love.

6.  Using Scripture as a weapon, rather than as a mirror.  Our goal is to help people see themselves in light of Scripture.  We are not there to judge.  We are there to patiently lead them through the Word and allow God to work within them.

7.  Confusing God's will with our own.  We need to take ourselves out of the equation.  We are not there to get others to live in the way that we think is right.  Confronting a person calls them to follow Jesus, not ourselves.

8.  Not remembering that confrontation usually takes place in the context of a broken relationship.  Many times rebuke happens when two people are hurting.  Confrontation is best handled when the ground rule is love and trust.  (Not judgment and condemnation)

9.  Demanding that change be immediate.  This is an unrealistic expectation.  Change is often a process.

The heart of this chapter was refreshing.  When it comes down to it, we all need help with confronting our sin.  Why?

The heart is deceitful above all things
    and beyond cure.
    Who can understand it? ~Jeremiah 17:9

I loved the ENCOURAGE acrostic on pages 153-155 to help us remember the Biblical model of confrontation.  So much wisdom!

What Scripture passages help you face your sin and continue in your fight with it?  How has your experience of confrontation helped or hurt you in confronting others?

If you still need the book, you can get it here: War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles (Resources for Changing Lives)

Grateful for grace,

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