War of Words - Chapter 12 - Winning the War

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What does winning the war of words look like?

Mr. Tripp gives us several points to consider.

We must understand that words can be destructive. Our job in the heat of the battle is to, "exercise the faith necessary to be a part of what God is doing at that moment." Each of us must consider what this may mean in our own day to day circumstances. For me, it has meant that I must listen carefully for the glimpses of my daughter's heart as she goes through a very emotional time in her preteen years. It means I must refrain from jumping to conclusions, and that I must listen more than I speak. God has asked me not to discipline every negative remark, but to choose to focus on what God is doing in my daughter's life and to encourage that growth first. With my teenage son, the Lord has given me the wisdom to help him learn to take his thoughts captive to Christ. So instead of getting all over his case about something he did, God has asked me to help him think through his choices so that he can identify the point where he went wrong. In both circumstances, God has given me the directive to speak the gospel to my children everyday. As a Christ follower, my words should speak life.

Jesus has set us free from sin and death, but that does not give us a right to abuse our freedom. We were not set free to indulge our sin natures. That is not freedom at all. We were set free to love others with abandon. Grace takes us away from sin and brings us to our calling to live lives that love the Lord with our words and actions.

Winning the war means that we are willing to say no to our selfish, sinful selves. I cringe to think of a time early in my parenting when I found my boys in the living room with toys strewn all about them.  In the midst of the mess I discovered that they had finished playing a Playstation game and left the disc on the floor.  I picked it up, and having found it damaged by scratches, I felt the anger rise up into my head.  I was a young Christian then, and my answer to their thoughtlessness that day was to yell, at them for being irresponsible.  Then to prove my point and punish them in a way they would always remember, I cracked that the disc in half and slammed it into the wastebasket.  This memory makes me shudder.

 "Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." ~Galatians 5:24

I didn't choose to belong to Jesus that day.  I chose to belong to myself.  Those two young boys are now 23 and 21 years old, and they remember that day vividly.  Thankfully, they can laugh about it now. Praise God for that kind of grace. But did my impatient outburst help them to be less irresponsible? Did it assist me in influencing their hearts for good? No, it did not, but God wasn't finished with me yet! In His mercy, He taught me to crucify my flesh and gave me the ability to put on a new self.  He taught me to give my children firm boundaries, loving accountability, and abundant grace.

Gaining ground in the battle for our words happens when we are willing to serve others instead of ourselves. This does not mean that we are a doormat!  It means we are working with Christ in setting firm boundaries with a Christ centered heart motivation and then participating in His redemptive plan for every person in our lives.

This year my daughter battled a fear of math.  Her fear was so intense that there were days which she absolutely refused to complete her lesson.  At any point, I could have joined her in jumping off the deep end, but I knew God had something much more important for her to learn than math.  He was working on trust and submission.  I could have forced her to do all the problems in the lesson.  I could have taken away all of her privileges.  I could have yelled just as loudly as she was yelling in protest.  Instead, the Lord led me to listen to her words and help her see what her struggle was really all about.  It was not easy, and I did cry out to friends for support and prayer.  My daughter did experience natural consequences - she is now half of a year behind in math, and she will need to work through the summer to catch up.  The important part is this: My daughter learned that she can overcome by facing her fears.  She learned that I love her no matter what. She saw God at work in me, because in all of this, God gave me the supernatural ability to keep my cool, while she melted down in hot tears and unreasonable fear. She experienced grace, even though she did not appreciate it at first.  Eventually, that grace became a balm that soothed her anxiety.  In the past several weeks, my daughter has completed her math lessons by herself with no tears, and no complaints.  She occasionally dreads math, but she knows she can do it.   I don't think that would have happened if I had become a stone wall and demanded that she get it done.  Laying down my desire for ease and my expectations that she just get over this, gave my daughter new life in Christ and a measure of victory over fear.

Speaking in step with the Spirit is born of humility. We are all works in progress. Not one of us has arrived at the proverbial gates of perfection on this side of Heaven. Instead of seeing our children, spouses, and people within our communities as people who need to grow up and get with the program, because of Christ, we can see each circumstance as an opportunity to grow in the fruits of the Spirit.  Every difficult encounter is an opportunity to know Jesus better and a way to become more like Him.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. ~Galatians 5:22-23

Before we speak, let's examine our hearts.

The people in our lives do not belong to us.  They belong to God.  As we walk through life, our relationships should reflect the truth that we are but instruments in the Redeemer's hands.  God's goal in sending His Son, Jesus Christ, to be the payment of our sins - is restoration.  He wants us to be restored to Himself.  So our business here on earth, is to join Him in His work.

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Where do you see restorative work that needs to be done around you?  How can your words help?  What daily opportunities do you have to be part of what God is doing in others?

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